Because absolutely no one demanded it, here's the return of Christian, gay, werewolf, erotica.
I must be doing something wrong, as I lost two followers due to my past two posts detailing my CGWE epic. Yay. Controversy warms my darkened soul.
Hold on, folks, it's time to get Hawt....
Barney nuzzled my cheek, his nose wet, a cold lump of coal in my Christmas dream stocking. I lapped at his face, choked, spit up a hair-ball. A true gentleman, he ignored it.
Then Barney hopped out of bed. He twerked a dance, his tail hard, rigid, pointed straight up to Heaven. He teasingly turned to me, asked, "Have you found God yet?"
I said, "Yes, and he's here now. Wasn't really aware he was lost. But, anyway..."
He pounced back in bed, his paws scraping at my chest.
As if driven by angels, the words spilled out of my mouth like demonic vomit. "My fiancée won't be happy about this." Couldn't help it, God guided my voice like a Heavenly choir coach.
Barney straightened--in more ways than one--and said, "Wait, you have a fiancée? As in a female? Is she a wolf?"
I hooked a paw behind my ear, scratched, killing time. "Um, yeah, did I not mention her?"
Biting a pillow in his jaws, Barney shook it like a rag-doll. "No, dangit! Thought you were somebody else! And, now, you say...you have a fiancée?"
"I'm sorry! I never meant to misrepresent who I am. I'm torn! Part wolf, part homosexual, all Christian, yet not quite whole! Not the way God and the Moral Majority say I should be!"
"I knew I should have gone home with that vampire..."
"Don't be that way, Barney."
"The only way is my highway! Get on it, in it, or take off and don't pay the toll!"
"Um...don't think I understand--"
"It doesn't matter! You hurt me! I don't know what to think!" Barney turned, dropped on all fours, growling. But I couldn't help but notice his wagging tail. Hopeful. And Lustful.