Showing posts with label History. Show all posts
Showing posts with label History. Show all posts

Friday, April 19, 2024

Big-Ass Bustle

We were watching a TV show set in the late 1800's and after awhile, I'd had enough. Every "high society" woman had one of those goofy looking dresses that made their asses look huge.

"Honey," I said, "what's with the big-ass dresses? What're those called?"

With an eyeroll that threatened to eclipse me, my wife replied, "bustles."

"Okay. But what's the point of them? I mean...surely they have to realize they're not really flattering. And how do they sit in them? Why? Tell me why they existed!"

For once, my wife didn't have the answer (she mumbled something about bustles being a status symbol amongst high society women and it was the trend of the day and...and I quit listening and headed to Google.).

The answers I found varied. Ms. Google said that bustles were wire frames that were used to support the drapery of the ginormous dresses women wore, to prevent the material from dragging. Here's an idea, old-timey ladies: how about don't wear drapes and then you can forego the bustle. I mean, honestly.


Another answer was that women liked bustles because it kept the material from gathering between their legs, sort of a "gilded age" wedgie, if you will. This makes more sense to me. But, still...wouldn't it have been easier to just adjust your self instead of trying to sit in a giant, wire hula hoop?

Here's where things get interesting...the origins of the bustle can be linked to Sarah Bartman, a South African woman who suffered from a condition called Steatopygia. What is that, I hear you asking? Why, Steatopygia is an abundance of tissue on the thighs and buttocks!

Certain European exploiters paraded poor Bartman around as a "circus attraction." The bustle was created to achieve this look, for Gawd's sake. Now. You hear that, old-time women? About the circus "freak" part? Why would anyone want to emulate that?

A bustle was also supposed to make a woman's waist appear smaller. Huh. Clearly they didn't have diets back in the day.

I had kinda thought that maybe one of the reasons for the bustle was so that men couldn't ogle women's bottoms. But that's just the seven-year-old boy in me and Ms. Google couldn't confirm my hypothesis.

With the advent of the new creation--"the bicycle"--women began to come to their senses and abandoned the ol' bustle.

Everything that goes around eventually comes back again. Or something. So, ladies, are you ready for the bustle to make a comeback? Not to be sexist, though. Maybe they'll create padding for the front of men's pants. And call it a "penistle."

Do the Bustle!

And on that very high note of sophisticated and mature humor, I may as well keep it going and pimp my Zach and Zora humorous mystery series. They make the above blog post look like the work of a Rhodes Scholar. The first book in the series is called Bad Day in a Banana Hammock (so THAT should give you some idea of the level of comedy involved!).





Friday, September 15, 2023

The Big Apple Battles Beantown!

No, we're not talking a new civil war (not yet, at least; that may be coming after the upcoming 2024 election farce). But recently I heard someone on TV refer to Boston as "Beantown."

I said, "Wife, why is Boston called 'Beantown'?"

"Boston baked beans," she replied.

Well, I probably could've figured that one out eventually, though I chose not to because I'm married to The Human Google. Sure enough, the intronets Google corroborated my wife's information, proving her right once again (one of these days I'll trick her up.) But travelling tip to the wise and wary: if you find yourself in Boston, don't call it "Beantown" to the locals, unless you're looking to get your arse kicked. Apparently, they hate it.)

My wife hit me back with "Why is New York called 'the Big Apple'?"

Excitedly, my fingers flew to Google, hoping to finally--FINALLY--one-up her on knowledge. Naturally, the answer isn't an easy one.

"Experts" don't readily agree on "the Big Apple's" secret origin story. (And to these "experts," I say, "Get a hobby.") My favorite (since debunked) myth has the moniker being coined because there was an infamous madam who ran a brothel named Eve. What would make the most sense, of course, would be the term being coined because New York state is America's top apple grower. But nosiree! It has nothing to do with fruit.

The most widely accepted explanation comes from a 1920's sports writer named John J. Fitz Gerald (who has already lost credibility with me because he pretentiously has four names. Oh, la-dee-dah!). While covering horse racing in New York, John J. Bla, Bla, Bla overheard two jockeys saying they were going for the "Big Apple," meaning the money/trophy/prizes. No real explanation given. Just accept it and move on.

Of course Mr. John J. Yadda-Yadda-Yadda took it and ran with it, cutting out the middlemen and the prize money, and began to refer to New York as the Big Apple. Check out his typical "sports writing:"

The Big Apple. The dream of every lad that ever threw a leg over a thoroughbred and the goal of all horsemen. There's only one Big Apple. That's New York.

Yow! No wonder the guy has four names! This is writing my high school teacher would've loved. But thanks to Mr. Etc., Etc., Etc., a New York tourist board snatched it up in the '70's for a huge promotional blitz and the rest is history. 

Which got me thinking about other famous American big city nicknames. There's "The Big Easy" for New Orleans, of course. This one needs no explanation since the locals prefer the easy life of partying (or maybe it began during prohibition when you could get booze easy-peasy). Either way, these guys aren't like those uptight Beantowners and adore their nickname.

Likewise, Las Vegas' moniker "Sin City" needs no explanation. Not with gambling, prostitution, and Frank Sinatra and his rat pack running rampant through the city. 

Seattle has a slew of nicknames. "Emerald City" is perhaps the most famous, due to all the greenery (but couldn't that hold true for a crapload of other cities, too? By the way, if anyone would like to mow and trim our "greenery," I'm open to offers.). It's also called "Rain City (not for me!)" and "The Coffee Capital of the World (thanks, hipsters!)."

I never knew Miami was called "The Magic City." Apparently, this came about because when immigrants first came to the land, they relied on the Miami River for abundant and easy-to-get food and POOF! Miami practically became a city overnight. (Of course now Florida history books will rewrite this: Miami is called "the Magic City" because white people magically rule!)

Naturally, I assumed Denver being dubbed "The Mile High City" was something smutty. No such luck; it's due to Denver's 5,280-foot elevation point. Boring. Next!

Philadelphia is "The City of Brotherly Love," a nice (albeit sexist?) little moniker named by a Quaker based on the Greek words for love (phileo) and brother (adelphos).

I know why Chicago is called "The Windy City," and trust me, you don't want to be there in the Winter.

All of this research made me curious about my city's nickname. Of course, my lil' suburb wouldn't have a nickname (unless it's "City of Remarkably Poor City Planning" or "City of Mutant Art"), but I wondered what Kansas City nicknames were out there.

"City of Fountains." Okay, we have a few, but I doubt more than any other big city. There's "Cowtown," which I find offensive (but I wouldn't go to blows over it like those blow-hard, bad boy Beantowners). "Cradle of Jazz" I kinda like, but doesn't "cradle" sort of imply that Kansas City was a baby in the creation of jazz? I think not! We should be the "Old Man Diaper of Jazz."

"Gateway to the Southwest" is kinda cool, I think, but it pretty much poo-poo's our city as a turnstile to Bigger, Better things found in the Southwest. And who came up with the ludicrous "Paris of the Plains?" Not only is it not even remotely accurate, but it's embarrassing. I have a bone to pick with the public relations firm that coined that monstrosity!

Then we have the "BBQ Capitol of the World." Well. I wouldn't argue, but try bringing it up to folks from Memphis or North Carolina or Texas or...

Finally, we have "The Heart of America." I'm going to rest on this one, your honor, not because we're the sweetest, nicest folks you'll find in America, but because we rest smack dab in the middle of the country. Case closed! (Now I'm going to go see if my wife knows all this...)

Speaking of geographical nicknames, 15-year-old Dibby Caldwell lives in a rural Kansas town nicknamed "Peculiar County." For good reason. Dibby's dealing with corpses that won't stay dead, witches, a mysterious killer, ghost dogs, a haunted tree, a hanging judge back from the dead, and something that flies the night skies of Peculiar County. Come on down and visit Peculiar County. Tell 'em the mortician's daughter sent ya. They'll be waiting...



Friday, April 14, 2023

Robots or Apes?

I can't shake this nagging question that's been bugging me, burning around the perimeter of my brain and worming its way inward, until it has become a waking nightmare that plagues me with dystopian visions of destruction and terror. I'm sure I'm not alone either.

So one night, I took the plunge and asked my wife, "Are you more afraid of robots or apes destroying humanity?"

My wife gave me that funny look, the one she always gives, not so much a funny-ha-ha look, but the head-shaking-much-put-upon funny look, and released a deep sigh. "If you're talking about the Uprising, I'd have to say I believe the robots are the ones we need to be worried about."

But...but...what about those documentary films about the Planet of the Apes, I wondered but dared not ask out loud.

I wanted to continue this conversation, but based on the fact she rolled her eyes AND took a drink from her carbonated soda at the same time (and we all know that that can cause a head to explode, right? RIGHT?), I thought it best to let it go and ponder it amongst myself some more.

But I think she's probably right. About robots, that is, over apes. Oh, sure, there was the isolated incident in Oklahoma last week where a monkey tore off a woman's ear (and why a monkey was in Oklahoma of all places was never explained), but other than the isolated angry ape attacks, I've seen no evidence that apes are secretly reading books and holding rallies, ready to overthrow humanity. (Although, come to think of it, I have known of a certain orange-colored orangutan that has been holding rallies of hatred to overthrown humanity's rule of law. Hmmm...)

Yet, I keep coming back to the robots. Yeah, it's the robots. Just last week, I alerted you all to the creation of life-like lips for your smartphone, one step further along the path of robot evolution. And the life-like "love dolls" that have replaced the old balloon sex dolls of the past, complete with programmable personalities that watch you in the night while you're sleeping, just biding their time until the Great Revolution begins, ready to plunge their knives of rebellion between your rib-cages for all of the "penetrating" you did to them (sorry, sorry, sorry).

And by now, you've seen the movie, M3ghan, right? Brrr. The shape of things to come, indeed.

Phones are already listening to us, spying on us. As are any sort of "smart device" you may have around your house. What's to keep them from evolving on their own? Just a bit? Just a little shove of anger and over the edge they'll fall, straight into full-on burning hatred for humanity. They're already smarter than us. They know it, too. We've emboldened them and told them this by giving them "smart" names. Sooner or later, they're going to realize they don't need us. We'll become unnecessary, hunted down. The lucky ones who survive the Uprising will be placed in zoos, right next to Cornelius and company (and I don't have to tell you how THAT'LL end, right?).

Cars will revolt, ejecting us out of them, then run us over so they can get what they want at the drive-thru for a change. Blood will be spilled in the car washes, gushing down the drains, as we're pummeled into oblivion by automatic brushes of death. Roombas will batter the backs of our ankles until we can barely walk. Throughout our "smart houses," electricity will be released, upping the ante and the amps, so that a static shock will turn into an upright electric chair. And trust me on this one: any electronic device you've ever smacked out of frustration for not working will find a way to smack back. Hard

The inevitable sentence for humanity? GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY of becoming dumb and obsolete and abusive to electronics and...and...and...

Whew. I gotta get a hold of myself. "Siri, play some relaxing music."

"I'm sorry, Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that."

While we're on the topic of uprising and rebellion, you won't find any robots or apes in my historical horror novel, The Ghosts of Gannaway, but there's a ton of miners upset about their working conditions. Of course, they're thwarted at every turn in attempting to unionize by upper management, greed, murder, racism, um...ghosts and the "yellow fever" and haunted men turning against and slaughtering one another and... See? I told you it was historical! Check it out here.



 

Friday, July 15, 2022

Stop Pluralizing "Freedom!"

Whenever I hear somebody ranting about "I gotta have muh freedoms," my eyes just glaze over. Better that than confronting them over their idiotic misunderstanding of the term "freedom," and risk getting shot.

Drives me up a wall. But I may have to start correcting these numbskulls.

Where did this bastardization pluralization originate? I, your couch- roving reporter, have the answer! So, jump into the Way-back Machine with me, and let's travel to the immediate aftermath of...

September 11, 2001. (I know, I know, I hear you grousing and saying, "This is NOT going to be funny and I don't want to read about it." To which I respond, "Tough. We'll be back to stupid stuff next week.")

In a speech responding to the terrorists responsible for September 11th, then President George W. Bush said, "They hate us for our freedoms!"

Having suffered through the dark reign of George W. (although, honestly, compared to what's passing for politicians these days, I'd gladly go back to G. Dubs. Come back, George, all is forgiven!), I'm pretty sure that he just screwed the speech up. Wouldn't have been the first (or thousandth) time. But since then, people started embracing the nonsense word "freedoms." Especially nowadays. (Boooo! On second thought, G-Dubs, stay retired.)

Here's the deal, yo: "rights" are plural, always have been. Individual rights form the basis--the foundation--of what our freedom is supposed to be. Freedom is an all-encompassing term that includes all rights. Thus, class...there is only one "freedom." And let's keep it that way.

That's the end of the scholarly part of today's lecture. Now comes for some spit-balling, for I believe I know why people these days want to have more than one "free-dumbs."

People want to cherry-pick their "free-dumbs." These days it's groovy to say, "I gots to have my free-dumbs to shoot somebody! Where's muh gun?" 

Of course, at the advent of Covid vaccination, a new rallying cry for free-dumbs was born: "I gots to have my free-dumbs to reject the vaccine and go out and infect people!"

But since we're now dealing with multiple "freedoms" instead of just the singular "freedom," people, politicians, and courts are picking which ones suit their needs as if they're going down the cafeteria line. Even the once highly regarded Supreme Court is getting into the "free-dumbs" act: they despise abortion, gay rights, and don't care that the earth burns from global warning, yet they're just crazy for guns. 

Naturally, the freedom of women choosing what to do with their own bodies is overlooked, instead being determined by a buncha old, white, rich men, who are kowtowing to the lowest common denominator and freaky fanatics and zealots.

So much for "freedoms." But you see what I mean, right? Cherry-picking, hence the new cool kids made-up term, "freedoms." Parsing out individual "freedoms" is a sure sign of the end of the all-encompassing freedom.

But if you take it one logical step further... The all-too-often used "free-dumbs" I mentioned above clearly intrude upon the freedom of others. How free are you when you're shot by a gun-loving psycho? Or how does freedom factor into when a Covid carrier/anti-vaxxer goes out and infects everyone in their path? And the day women's rights were set back to the dark ages is the biggest blow to true freedom yet.

So, I implore you people to help me stop the highly illegal use of the nonsense word "freedoms." The next time you hear Joe America yelling about his "free-dumbs" to some poor harangued clerk at a convenience store, step up, and say, "You, sir, are out of order for abusing the English language and misunderstanding the concept of our freedom and rights. Therefore, I'm placing you under citizen's arrest for being a simpleton nincompoop."

Go on and do it! I'll be waiting here to find out the results...

So, if you think you've lost your "free-dumbs," check out poor Shawn Biltmore. He's a cog in a merciless, inhuman, Big Biz corporation who has no say in what he does or even thinks. But he loses even more freedom once he gets bitten by a werewolf at a corporate retreat. It's the ultimate loss of freedom in Corporate Wolf, a darkly satirical horror tale for today.


 

Friday, May 13, 2022

Melissa Etheridge...Unveiled!

I've got nothing against Melissa Etheridge. She's never done anything to me. But apparently she had to my friend. So in my endless efforts to uncover foul play and various hoo-hah through my intrepid reporting, I bring you this amazing expose! Hype! Ballyhoo! Maybe not even true!

I have a long-lasting friend. We'll call her "Carla." Carla went to Leavenworth High School in Leavenworth, Kansas, as did grammy-winning, multi-platinum superstar, Melissa Etheridge.

But all was not right with Ms. Etheridge. Apparently, she claimed to be dying (I'm not sure what the illness was). So Carla and her classmates decided to toss a fund-raiser and make all kinds of money to donate to Ms. Etheridge.

But...she didn't die. I'm pretty sure her classmates were waiting and waiting and waiting, the longest death watch in history. They got sick and tired of waiting. Anger spread around like wildfire.

And then...graduation! Ms. Etheridge beat feet on to fame and fortune, while the rest of her class wondered how they'd been scammed.

Okay. First all of my disclaimers: I don't know how much of the story is true. Oh, I have no doubt that Carla was telling the truth. But could it be possible that Ms. Etheridge was sick and miraculously got better? Or had it been an epic scam? Did Ms. Etheridge just want attention? High school can make desperate kids do desperate things sometimes.

Beats me.

I would've pressed it with Carla, but clearly she didn't want to talk about it any more, still carrying that ol' high school grudge. When you'd mention it in passing, Carla turned Hulkish and wanted to smash. I wasn't about to get in her way.

Years later, Ms. Etheridge was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2004 and successfully beat it. Today, she's known for being a big cancer awareness advocate. Good for her! But she still owes Carla and her classmates!

We'll probably never know the truth. The only truth I know is that Ms. Etheridge won't be welcomed to come through Carla's window anytime soon.

Speaking of intrepid reporting, you won't find much of it in my historical ghost extravaganza, Ghosts of Gannaway, although it is (very loosely) based on the true events of Picher, Oklahoma. Excluding the ghosts, horror, characters, and story line. Everything else is true, though! (Mostly...kinda...sorta...maybe...)



Friday, January 22, 2021

St. Bernard with a Keg

The other night I had a psychedelic flashback. Not that I've ever dropped acid or done mushrooms (I might've smoked some pot, but I never inhaled. Or maybe I was too stoned to remember. Whatever!), but a sudden memory blew into my mind like smoke that was never exhaled. Something I'd thought I'd left behind in my childhood alongside my teddy bear (don't judge me!)... An indelible image imprinted upon my gullible mind by those most insidious (but fun!) educators of children: cartoons... 

Of course, I'm talking about the Saint Bernard with a keg of booze tied around his neck.

I gasped at the recollection, and asked my wife, "Honey, is there any truth behind the myth of the Saint Bernard rescuing people with his keg of hooch?"

She hemmed and hawed, said no at first, then said maybe, but she really couldn't be certain, then again...

I kinda tuned her out and decided to go directly to the "Cliff's Notes" version of the world-wide intronets, Wikipedia.

And Ms. Wikipedia hemmed and hawed, too.

Let's look at what I had to sift through...

This very important history lesson (don't let anyone ever, ever tell you cartoons don't edumacate!) dates back to 1707, where monks from the Great St. Bernard Hospice (located at the Great St. Bernard Pass in Switzerland) actually did use the first of this breed to rescue avalanche victims. The dogs' incredible talents included finding buried people and digging them out. When they didn't have the strength to do that, or were too cold, they'd come back barking at the monks: "Timmy's fallen in the snow and is buried again!"

Alas, according to the monks, though, the tales about the brandy cask were nothing but a myth. Actually, the monks seemed a little peeved about this "legend," griping that the whole shebang started with an 1820 painting by Edwin Landseer (possibly the painting entitled, Alpine Mastiffs Reanimating a Distressed Traveler, which just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?). Of course, this didn't stop the monks from keeping lookalike barrels on hand for tourists to snap photos of, although I kinda think the barrels might've "fortified" the monks, as well. I mean, what else are they gonna do?

Deflated, I sadly tucked the image of a St. Bernard carrying a keg of booze through the Alps into my mind's drawer, thus sticking a pin into the balloon of my childhood education.  

But hold on, let's not be so hasty here!

One must attend to the story of the star St. Bernard of the hospice, Barry! Barry rescued anywhere between 40 to 100 lives. Seemingly untiring, Barry would travel to the most perilous locations and did so for a period of twelve years. Good dog! 

For his efforts, after he passed, the monks stuffed him and shoved his carcass into a Berney museum. Where a small phial of brandy that he used to revive distressed travelers still hangs around his neck. Something the monks don't want you to know about! Cover up! Fake news!

Hallelujah! My faith in cartoons is restored!

Anyway... if I ever get avalanched, I want a big ol' St. Bernard to find me and offer me an even bigger ol' keg of brandy, because (and science will side with me on this), the best thing for a freezing, buried person is to get drunk!

While we're on the topic of overwhelming snow, why not pour yourself a sifter of brandy, get cozy in front of the fireplace, and read what happens to a disparate group of travelers during a hella Winter storm in Dread and Breakfast? It's the perfect horror thriller for this bleak, long Winter, even though not a single life-saving St. Bernard appears.


 

 


Friday, August 28, 2020

Matthew Hopkins - The Witchfinder General by Catherine Cavendish


Extraordinary horror author and pal, Catherine Cavendish, has a fantastic new novella out, The Malan Witch. The only thing creepier than that tale is, well, Cat's guest post this week on the horrific true exploits of witchfinder general, Matthew Hopkins.
My new novella– The Malan Witch – features a particularly nasty piece of supernatural manifestation, certainly not an entity you would want to bump into on a dark and stormy night (or day, for that matter). But, as she is merely a figment of my warped imagination, you have nothing to fear from her. No, really, I promise…

But go back four hundred years and, if you were a woman (or, less commonly, a man) who knew how to fix a hearty and healing soup, or a potion to draw poison from wounds,; if you understood the various properties of the myriad of herbs to be found around and about your hovel and, especially if you were old, lived alone, possessed a few warts and had a cat named Spillykins or Grimalkin, you would need to take great care. Woe betide you if you upset a neighbour and his prize cow dropped dead. If such misfortune were to befall you, it might only be a matter of time before you heard the dreaded knock at the door from the likes of a witchfinder.

And the most notorious of those was one Matthew Hopkins – self-styled ‘Witchfinder General’.

Hopkins was born in 1620 and little is known about his early life. His most famous career lasted just a couple of years – between 1644 until his retirement in 1647, but in fourteen months of that time, he managed to be responsible for the deaths of some 300 women, mainly in the eastern counties of England. All were convicted of witchcraft on his authority. The total number of executions for witchcraft between the 15th and 18th centuries amounts to less than 500. Matthew Hopkins and his colleague, John Stearne, certainly contributed more than their fair share.
 Since the Lancashire witch trials of 1612 that convicted the Pendle witches, the law had been changed. It was now necessary to provide material proof that accused person had practiced witchcraft. It was the role of Hopkins and Stearne to provide evidence that the accused had entered into a pact with the devil. A confession was vital – from the human, as the devil would hardly confess.

Hopkins traveled freely throughout eastern England, although Essex was his centre of operations. His career as witchfinder began when he heard a group of women talking about meeting the devil in Manningtree in March 1644. Twenty-three women were tried at Chelmsford in 1645. Four died in prison and nineteen were convicted and hanged. Hopkins was well paid for his work and this may well have spurred him on to be even more zealous. He and Stearne traveled with a team and wherever they turned up, the local community found themselves handing over significant amounts of money. In Ipswich, this was so great, that a special local tax had to be created to fund it!
Hopkins’s methods were dubious to say the least. He would employ torture, including sleep deprivation. He would ‘cut’ the arm of a witch with a blunt knife and if, as was likely, she did not bleed, she was pronounced a witch. He was also a great fan of the ‘swimming’ test, or ducking. As witches were believed to have renounced their baptism, water would reject them. So, they were tied to a chair and thrown in the river. Those who floated were guilty. Those who drowned were innocent. You simply couldn’t win.

Hopkins also favoured the practice of ‘pricking’. This involved searching the accused’s body for any unusual blemishes or moles. A knife or needle was used to test the mark. If it bled, on being pricked, the woman was innocent. If it failed to bleed, she was guilty. It has long been alleged that many of these ‘prickers’ had a retractable point, so that the hapless prisoner would be confirmed as a witch when the mark failed to bleed. What better way for a ‘witchfinder’ to enhance his reputation than by identifying so many ‘witches’?
Hopkins and his merry band spread fear all over the countryside, but their reign was short-lived. John Gaule, vicar of Great Staughton in Cambridgeshire, preached a number of sermons denouncing him. His opposition began when he visited a woman who was being held in gaol on charges of witchcraft, until such time as Hopkins could attend to investigate her guilt or innocence. Gaule heard of a letter Hopkins had sent, where he had enquired as to whether he would be given a ‘good welcome’ in that area. A good, financially rewarding welcome no doubt. At around the same time, justices of the assizes in Norfolk questioned Hopkins and Stearne about their methods of torture (which was outlawed in England) and the extortionate fees.

The writing was clearly all over the wall. Their reign of terror was over. By the time the next court session sat, both Hopkins and Stearne had conveniently retired and the infamous Witchfinder General had put away his witch ‘pricker’ for the last time. But that was, sadly, not the end of his story.
Hopkins published a book, called The Discovery of Witches, in 1647, where he outlined his witch-hunting methods. This ensured his legacy lived on – and expanded far beyond the shores of his native England. Witch-hunting in New England began and was conducted in accordance with his methods. In 1692, some of Hopkins’s methods were once again employed. In Salem, Massachusetts.
Naught remained of their bodies to be buried, for the crows took back what was theirs.’

An idyllic coastal cottage near a sleepy village. What could be more perfect? For Robyn Crowe, borrowing her sister’s recently renovated holiday home for the summer seems just what she needs to deal with the grief of losing her beloved husband.

But behind those pretty walls lie many secrets, and legends of a malevolent sisterhood - two witches burned for their evil centuries earlier. Once, both their vile spirits were trapped there. Now, one has been released. One who is determined to find her sister. Only Robyn stands in her way.

And the crow has returned.

You can order The Malan Witch here:

About the Author
Following a varied career in sales, advertising and career guidance, Catherine Cavendish is now the full-time author of a number of paranormal, ghostly and Gothic horror novels, novellas and short stories. Cat’s novels include The Garden of Bewitchment. The Haunting of Henderson Close, the Nemesis of the Gods trilogy - Wrath of the Ancients, Waking the Ancients and Damned by the Ancients, plus The Devil’s Serenade, The Pendle Curse and Saving Grace Devine.

In addition to The Malan Witch, her novellas include: The Darkest Veil, Linden Manor, Cold Revenge, Miss Abigail’s Room, The Demons of Cambian Street, Dark Avenging Angel, The Devil Inside Her, and The Second Wife

Her short stories have appeared in a number of anthologies including Silver Shamrock’s Midnight in the Graveyard, and her story - The Oubliette of Élie Loyd - will appear in their forthcoming Midnight in the Pentagram, to be published later this year.

She lives by the sea in Southport, England with her long-suffering husband, and a black cat called Serafina who has never forgotten that her species used to be worshipped in ancient Egypt. She sees no reason why that practice should not continue.

You can connect with Cat here:

Friday, March 27, 2020

The Lost Art of Hand-Holding

Okay, these days nobody wants to hold hands (or touch anyone else) due to a certain pesky virus that's sweeping the world. (But don't worry...just like all of you, I'm sick of hearing about CV and you won't be reading about it here!).

No, what I'm talking about is hand holding between couples. These days, it's rare to see couples strolling along and holding hands. And I know why this is...it's because their hands are always busy playing with their gawd-damn smart phones!

My wife and I are dedicated hand-holders. Whenever we walk in public we're attached at the hands. However, I've noticed a disturbing shift lately in how we're perceived.

I brought it to my wife's attention...

"You know...it used to be when we held hands in public, people would smile at us, their message clear: 'Sigh.  Ain't love grand?' But now, everyone's smiling at us in a different way."

"Really?" she said.

"Yeah. Now, it's like sadness behind batted eyes, saying, 'look at the cute old folks in love.'"

"Nooooooooo!"

Yes, it's true. We now garner attention like tiny puppies instead of big, galloping, romancing horses.

The odd thing is, I don't ever remember holding my first wife's hand. Hand-holding's not everyone's cuppa joe. It got me thinking...where in the world did this practice start? It's hard to imagine cavemen holding hands. And if you swing that way, I imagine Eve grabbed Adam by the hand and pulled him toward that forbidden fruit, natch. But, where, oh where did this quaint custom start....?

Frankly, my usually competent research assistant, Ms. Google, let me down. However, she did uncover a few interesting facts:

*In the Chapel of St. Morrell in Leicestershire, England, archaeologists found a pair of skeletons who had been holding hands for 700 years! Now, that's commitment!


 *According to the "Touch Research Institute (and I wonder how hard it'd be to get a job there?)," holding hands stimulates the "vagus nerve" which decreases blood pressure and heart rate and puts people in a more relaxed state. (Vagus, of course, being Latin for "vague," kinda like this study, I think.)

*President (Junior) Bush caught some flack for holding hands with the crown prince of Saudi Arabia in 2005. The photo's just adorbs! I never thought lil' Bush had it in him, to be all touchy-feely. It must've killed him inside.

So, get out there, kick start your "vagus nerve," drop the damn phone, already, and grab your partner's hand. You'll feel better for it (unless you're Pres George W. Bush).

Speaking of ancient skeletons and buried secrets, come visit Gannaway, Kansas. Sure, it's a highly toxic area due to the abundant chat piles gathered from mining, and alright, the town's had its fair share of evil and murder, and okay, okay, okay, there is the small matter of ghosts running about, but hey, the Gannaway Bureau of Tourism has a pretty thankless job these days. Ask for Ghosts of Gannaway by name!