Showing posts with label Corona Virus. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Corona Virus. Show all posts

Friday, August 7, 2020

Doctor, Doctor, Give Me the (Fake) News...

There was a time when I thought Trump was funny. It seems like so long ago...

So, Dr. Anthony Fauci has been leading Trump's Coronavirus Task Force since January of this year, thus making him one of the longest-surviving members of Trump's staff. But not if Trump has anything to say about it! He blasts Fauci at every opportunity, attempts to discredit him, basically calling his findings out as the hated "fake news," you name it. I dunno. Call me nutty, but you'd think Trump would want his own task force to succeed, but you know, people roll in different ways, I suppose.

Let's look at some of Dr. Fauci's credentials; he's been the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious diseases since 1984. For 50 years, he's served on the National Institute of Health and has been an advisor to every president since Ronald Reagan. Without a doubt, he's one of the world's leading experts on infectious diseases.

Yet Trump thinks he's full of poo, because Fauci makes him look bad. Recently, via a very presidential tweet, Trump declared Fauci to be WRONG regarding the fact that we never shut down the country completely and reopened too soon. Trump's explanation is we have more corona virus cases because we test more. Simple! If we tested less, we'd have fewer cases. 

Things that make me go "Hmmmm." I think Trump is taking a child's eye view here. "If we don't report the cases, they don't exist, now can I go out and play, Mommy?"

What a maroon (in both color and other ways).

Here's where things get good. Who does Trump turn to instead for medical advice? Why, the amazing Semen Demon  Dr. Stella Immanuel, that's who, the doc who puts the you in voodoo! She's a quack who Trump picked a tweet up from who touts the amazing miracle cure for corona virus as hydroxychloroquine. Of course Trump is doubling down on the med even though the good Dr. Fauci says it's unproven.


The less than stellar Dr. Stella's credentials read like a text book on crazy. First, she describes herself as a prophet of God. Now, that's pretty impressive. Not even Dr. Fauci can boast that. She alleges doctors use alien DNA in experiments. Well...maybe all those movies I've watched were documentaries? Nahhhh. Here's my favorite Dr. Immanuel theory: demons are responsible for infertility and sexual diseases. Of course they are! The great prophet on the '70's, Flip Wilson, was right! "The Devil made me do it," he had once preached.

Furthermore, Dr. Immanuel was sued for malpractice over a patient's death and several other...ahem...indiscretions can also be laid at her feet. To add insult to injury, she's called Dr. Fauci a "liar" who's "playing Russian Roulette with Americans' lives," and she's telling people they don't have to wear masks.

Of course Trump proudly proclaimed her as "magnificent." Truly the doctor of Trump's dreams. Well, Trump can have her. We'll see how magnificent he thinks she is when he's having a heart attack from too much hydroxychloroquine.


While on the topic of all things hellish and orange, that ol' debbil himself pops up a few times in my supernatural collection of short stories, Twisted Tales from Tornado Alley. (Um, I mean ol' Beezlebub, not our president. Although come to think of it, I'm not sure there's much a difference these days. That orange comb-over is hiding the mark of "666," I just know it!). 


Friday, April 10, 2020

How Not to Murder Your Spouse while Quarantined

My wife's under the impression that during our current time of quarantine, there will be a huge explosion of babies come January and February.

I beg to differ. Not even having completed our first week of being quarantined, I believe that spouse murder will be on the uprise in the near future. But fear not, for I have an easy plan to guarantee you stay out of jail, as long as you adhere to my rules! (Hell, I might even throw in a free, used Popeil Pocket Fisherman.)

1) Get a safe or panic room. Okay, maybe you can't afford one (or perhaps no one's willing to come out and install it these days). Barring that, double-check to make sure the lock on your bathroom works. Men, I'm aiming this one primarily at you, as we all love a good peaceful sit-down.

2) Separate your work spaces. So, when we moved my wife's office home, we ended up on our dualing computers, sitting across from one another. Cute...for five minutes. That's when I made the decision to work exclusively on my laptop downstairs and she could have the top floor.

3) Hide all sharp cutlery. This isn't particularly a problem at our house as most of my knives from my bachelor days wouldn't cut through hot butter. Of course, this could lead to an even more grueling death if bludgeoning seems the method of choice.

4) Load up on alcohol. A must! And, apparently, you all agree with me, as booze sales are skyrocketing. Right now, WalMart's stock is thriving because they're the one-stop shop: booze, toilet paper, candy, and hand sanitizer, something for the whole family!

5) Drink lots of alcohol. (This step should be self-explanatory). 

 6) When in doubt, bake it out! Yep, instead of fighting or blowing a gasket over some dumb little irritant, go bake brownies. Your spouse will appreciate it immensely.

7) Read! E-books are cheap, you don't have to go anywhere to get them. So shut off the damn TV and open a book.

8) At the end of the day, greet your spouse back from a hard day at the office (okay that last part is "pretend," but it works!). Don't forget to love them, make them feel welcome, kiss them, hold their hands (after proper sanitation, natch), and take a walk.

There you have it! Your Stay-Outta-Jail card! I swan, I really should be charging you guys for this.

Be careful out there.

Hey speaking of ebooks, did you know I have a ton of 'em available at Amazon and other fine ebookeries? No? Huh. I can't believe I've neglected to let everyone know! Well, check 'em out, fine entertainment to take your mind off reality for a while: http://bit.ly/StuartRWestBooks