Hobbies Are a Good Thing to Have...but C'mon!

Some people just need to get a new, perhaps better hobby.

Don't agree? Check out this recent headline:

Man found carrying around a mummified corpse up to 800 years old in a food delivery bag in Peru.

Yow! And I'm not even talking about the clumsily constructed headline (what happened to real journalists?)! Here is a man direly in need of a new hobby.

But let's look into this a bit, shall we? Just in case you're still wavering on the border of acceptability.

The story details "photos released by the Directorate of Culture in the southeastern city of Puno show a skeleton in the fetal position, lying in a red bag with a reflective inner lining, commonly used by food delivery companies. It bears the logo of Pedidos Ya, a Uruguayan takeout company popular across South America."

Okay, I'm not sure why the "Directorate of Culture" got involved in this (must've been a slow week at the operas or whatever), but this surely doesn't bode well for Pedidos Ya, I would think. (By the way, Pedidos Ya roughly translates to "orders already" in English; however, if the mummy in the bag has been waiting for his order for 800 years, the takeout joint hardly lives up to its promise of a title.).

Back to the news story: "The body has become a property of the state under national heritage laws."

So it looks like the body carrier may be forced to seek out a different hobby.

Julio Cesar claims the body belongs to him: “It sleeps in my bedroom, with me. There’s my bed, the TV set and next to it, there’s Juanita. I take care of it. It’s like, if you’ll pardon the expression, as if it were my spiritual girlfriend.” he told the media outlet, using the name he has for the body.

Possibly the most horrifying aspect of this revelation for Republicans is that the remains are definitely male, not female. We're looking at a "Juan," not a "Juanita." Why, it's enough to send the far-right fringe fanatics (and fearers of LGBTQIA) into a frenzy of unfettered furiousness!

Apparently, Cesar said the body had been in the possession of his family for years and he took it out to show his friends. In a food delivery bag. Surprise!

Now, I don't know about you, but if Cesar's friends are the type who truly think owning a skeleton is cool, then Cesar might want to reconsider his friends. Maybe make a few lifestyle adjustments. Perhaps not use his work food delivery bag to cart Juanita around. Finding a jawbone with your onion rings is probably never a good idea.

The news story ends rather abruptly by bragging about the wonderful, rich heritage and archaeological discoveries that Peru is proud of. Man. Talking about trying to spin silk out of webs... Might be a little late for that.

But, even more frustrating are the questions the news story leaves unanswered. Why does Cesar and his family own a body? Where did it come from? If it's truly 800 years old, I assume it's been passed down from generation to generation. Which would make for a wonderful Christmas tradition: "Son, you're now sixteen. I think it's time I introduce you to Juanita. Treat her with love. Take her out for a drive."

Why did Cesar believe it a good idea to cart Juanita around in a food delivery bag? Was it his day off work from Perdidos Ya? Was the cardboard box that Cesar's family usually kept Juanita in not suitable for showing off to his friends? And, again...just what kind of friends are these???

Finally, and perhaps most perplexing, is how did the local law nab Cesar (and Juanita)? The only thing the story alluded to is the Directorate of Culture worked in tandem with local law enforcement in a joint effort. Could this have been an elaborate sting operation? Where an undercover eater of fast food kept ordering menu items until Cesar accidentally delivered his spiritual girlfriend?

The mind boggles. But, please, Cesar...get a new hobby. Maybe even a living girlfriend while you're at it.

While I'm blabbing about secrets and hidden bones and bodies being places they shouldn't be, I'm kinda reminded of the hi-jinx going on at the Dandy Drop Inn, a beautiful and pastoral bed and breakfast in Missouri, where checking in is a breeze...but checking out is a bit on the deadly side. Check out the riveting (eye of the beholder) true (an absolute lie) tale of terror, Dread and Breakfast, HERE!

 

A New Year's Wish

Remember when the atrocious 2020 came to an end and we all breathed a collective sigh of relief? Remember telling everyone that 2021 would be better because things couldn't possibly get any worse than 2020?

Fool me once, bla, bla, bla.

Honestly, I think everyone was hopeful and cautiously optimistic for 2021. We had to be to maintain a semblance of sanity.  Of course things got off to a rather poor start when Trump rallied his good ol' boy troops to go storm the capital and hang Mike Pence. While kinda entertaining in a train wreck sorta sense, I lamented to my wife that we'd picked the wrong month to have a "dry month."

Thing didn't stop there. In fact, the insurrection was sort of the turning point, with Trump making it "cool" to lie, buck our democratic system, and while you're at it, offend as many people as possible and bring racism and hatred to the forefront! 2021!

Let's see... we had one guy making murder anime videos, another guy telling mothers to force their sons into savage rapists, some nutty woman spouting off about Jewish lasers in outer space,  another woman dropping racist statements everywhere she went because she was a "patriot," some knucklehead up on charges of underage sex trafficking, and the list goes on and on. Did I mention this "A-Team" is our politicians? The people tasked with taking care of us, their constituents? No thank you.

Naturally all of these stellar all-stars have been endorsed by Donny Trump.

Speaking of which, let's see a show of hands of who's sick of hearing about The Big Lie.  Lemme count... Quite a few. Trump is like a scratched up record (ask your parents, kids) that refuses to get off the same, tired phrase over and over and over and...   Zzzzzzzzz. Wake me up when he quits making headlines.

2021 also brought about a huge swelling of hatred for current president Biden. I'm just waiting for a grocery store clerk to mention the vile and disrespectful "Let's Go Brandon" to me. There shall be such a righteous hailstorm in the Piggly Wiggly that they'll need more than one sacker to clean up aisle 13. 

It's no secret that Trump wasn't my favorite president but I don't recall any of his critics ever being that disrespectful to him when he was in office. And of course Biden's numbers are failing. You got Trump over there in Mar-a-Lago sucking down shrimp cocktails, conning the rubes, and bad-mouthing Biden every chance he gets and how he could do a better job.

And the grift continues! For a small fee of $10,000, you can go to a Mar-a-Lago Christmas party and have one picture taken with Trump! Cool! Where do I sign up? How presidential.

I won't get into the pandemic because everyone's sick of that, too. Alright, never mind, it's impossible to talk about 2021 without mentioning it. You guys remember that three week or so period at the beginning of Spring when it looked like the dark cloud of Covid was finally moving on? A ray of hope shone down upon us as we slowly reawakened to life as we knew it. My wife and I actually ventured into a (gasp) theatre and restaurant! Without masks! Once you got over the initial shock of being maskless, it felt liberating.

Then Delta came roaring through the world like a rabid lion, shuttling the smarter people back into masks and relative isolation. And now Omicron is moving in. Granted the jury's still out on how intense this variant will be, but if Delta taught us nothing else, be prepared.

Which finally, FINALLY brings me to my new year's wish. I wish we could all work together as a united world to end the pandemic. It's the only way we'll ever conquer it. The variants are self-creating in third world countries because the richer countries aren't sharing vaccines (although apparently South Africa turned down the United State's offer for vaccines). Within our country alone, the highly divisive politicization of Covid is keeping it alive and prosperous. Honestly, folks, shouldn't life be the most important thing to all of us? And for all the cries of FREEDOM to not wear masks, you're keeping the other half of the US captive to the pandemic. The part that really gets me is some people still deny Covid as real. Some so-called "news" anchors have even dropped the despicable theory that Democrats made up Omicron to garner votes. Or something.

It's ridiculous. And discouraging.

We've gotta band together 'cause we're in it together. Once we get through this, then all of you politicians can get back to yelling and name-calling at one another and leave us mere regular people alone.

Happy 2022, everyone. Keep those fingers crossed it'll be a better year.