LegoLand Inferno

Good Gawd, folks! You ever been to "Legoland?"  I think it's the seventh circle of Hell. Or close to it. It's at least circling the perimeter.

Okay. Just spent a tour of duty there yesterday. I truly enjoyed seeing my nephews totally freak over the amazing awesomeness of Legoland. And their father enjoyed seeing his boys have fun. That was priceless.

But, come on. The dang place is a so-called "attraction" built around pieces of molded plastic. Little blocks with nobs. Like pimples or something. Yet, kids were running rampant, thrilled to death to be around more plastic and variations of plastic. We had a very disinterested tour guide, who didn't say a word (cough*serial killer*cough) and were dumped into the "plant" where we couldn't hear a damn thing over the kids pounding on anything they could find. Kids rifled through huge barrels of Legos throughout the place, coughing, wiping their noses, replacing the hunks of blocks back into the community bins. Hey! Don't forget the ten dollar hot dogs awaiting the end of your journey (no doubt made partially of Legos)!

I'm sounding like a crotchety ol' guy, but, hell, as a kid, I had fun with a cardboard box. Of course, I was a weird kid. Doesn't matter. Burns, splinters, knee slashes? A badge of honor.

Now, the badge of honor is some cheap plastic medal they toss at the kids after surviving the hells of Legoland.

Yeah, Legoland sucked. But, you know what? My nephews had a good time. Almost makes it worth it. Almost.