Stop Pluralizing "Freedom!"

Whenever I hear somebody ranting about "I gotta have muh freedoms," my eyes just glaze over. Better that than confronting them over their idiotic misunderstanding of the term "freedom," and risk getting shot.

Drives me up a wall. But I may have to start correcting these numbskulls.

Where did this bastardization pluralization originate? I, your couch- roving reporter, have the answer! So, jump into the Way-back Machine with me, and let's travel to the immediate aftermath of...

September 11, 2001. (I know, I know, I hear you grousing and saying, "This is NOT going to be funny and I don't want to read about it." To which I respond, "Tough. We'll be back to stupid stuff next week.")

In a speech responding to the terrorists responsible for September 11th, then President George W. Bush said, "They hate us for our freedoms!"

Having suffered through the dark reign of George W. (although, honestly, compared to what's passing for politicians these days, I'd gladly go back to G. Dubs. Come back, George, all is forgiven!), I'm pretty sure that he just screwed the speech up. Wouldn't have been the first (or thousandth) time. But since then, people started embracing the nonsense word "freedoms." Especially nowadays. (Boooo! On second thought, G-Dubs, stay retired.)

Here's the deal, yo: "rights" are plural, always have been. Individual rights form the basis--the foundation--of what our freedom is supposed to be. Freedom is an all-encompassing term that includes all rights. Thus, class...there is only one "freedom." And let's keep it that way.

That's the end of the scholarly part of today's lecture. Now comes for some spit-balling, for I believe I know why people these days want to have more than one "free-dumbs."

People want to cherry-pick their "free-dumbs." These days it's groovy to say, "I gots to have my free-dumbs to shoot somebody! Where's muh gun?" 

Of course, at the advent of Covid vaccination, a new rallying cry for free-dumbs was born: "I gots to have my free-dumbs to reject the vaccine and go out and infect people!"

But since we're now dealing with multiple "freedoms" instead of just the singular "freedom," people, politicians, and courts are picking which ones suit their needs as if they're going down the cafeteria line. Even the once highly regarded Supreme Court is getting into the "free-dumbs" act: they despise abortion, gay rights, and don't care that the earth burns from global warning, yet they're just crazy for guns. 

Naturally, the freedom of women choosing what to do with their own bodies is overlooked, instead being determined by a buncha old, white, rich men, who are kowtowing to the lowest common denominator and freaky fanatics and zealots.

So much for "freedoms." But you see what I mean, right? Cherry-picking, hence the new cool kids made-up term, "freedoms." Parsing out individual "freedoms" is a sure sign of the end of the all-encompassing freedom.

But if you take it one logical step further... The all-too-often used "free-dumbs" I mentioned above clearly intrude upon the freedom of others. How free are you when you're shot by a gun-loving psycho? Or how does freedom factor into when a Covid carrier/anti-vaxxer goes out and infects everyone in their path? And the day women's rights were set back to the dark ages is the biggest blow to true freedom yet.

So, I implore you people to help me stop the highly illegal use of the nonsense word "freedoms." The next time you hear Joe America yelling about his "free-dumbs" to some poor harangued clerk at a convenience store, step up, and say, "You, sir, are out of order for abusing the English language and misunderstanding the concept of our freedom and rights. Therefore, I'm placing you under citizen's arrest for being a simpleton nincompoop."

Go on and do it! I'll be waiting here to find out the results...

So, if you think you've lost your "free-dumbs," check out poor Shawn Biltmore. He's a cog in a merciless, inhuman, Big Biz corporation who has no say in what he does or even thinks. But he loses even more freedom once he gets bitten by a werewolf at a corporate retreat. It's the ultimate loss of freedom in Corporate Wolf, a darkly satirical horror tale for today.