The End of the World is Here (for only $99)!

Okay, the last thing anyone wants to read is more of my railing against our so-called "politics" in America. Everyone's sick of it, my wife's sick of it, you guys are sick of it, and I'm beyond sick of it. But this...THIS...transcends even the dumbest politics going on right now. It transcends the stupidest, dumbest, most idiotic, childish scenario I could even begin to imagine (and that's saying a lot).

Congrats, Donny, you corrupt orange con man, you! You've broken me! (But thanks for the laughs; I haven't yet quit giggling.)

Trump, up to his Barnum and Bailey blusteryessness, teased on his ludicrous (and failing!) app about a "Major Announcement" within the next couple days. Everywhere in MAGA-land (a wonderful, magical, place where people's votes don't matter and nothing does except for the Great Pumpkin, benevolent and beloved dictator of all who poops unicorns and puppies), the few remaining loyal were on the edge of their seats, awaiting the mega-MAGA-Major Announcement, sure to right all that's wrong in America. Would it be an announcement of future policy, promising change and revision and locking away Democrats? Would he proclaim Marjorie Taylor Greene or Kari Lake (two fine, fine politicians) as his running mate? Maybe he would nominate (Kan)Ye as ambassador to Israel?

Then...the Major Announcement happened! Trump's releasing a set of his collectible trading card NFTs at a mere $99 bucks a pop! Score! "Perfect for Christmas" as the Orange one proclaimed during his Major Announcement!

I nearly tinkled a bit in my pants.

This...THIS...coming from a former president (I refuse to believe people would put this clown in office again).  What a rook. It's a rook, I tell ya. Oh, sure, the faithful MAGA folks will be lining up to buy these "collectible" cards, shoveling yet more cash into the Don's pockets. And what do they get for it? Not even a physical card they can hold and show off and shellac with plastic and sweat and love and hang on the Christmas tree. Nope. They get a hundred dollar JPEG.

Maybe Donny's biggest grift yet. I'd be a little bit impressed with the sheer audacity of it all, if I didn't think the guy sucked so hard.

Don said these cards would surely sell out...FAST! Hm. You don't suppose there's a limited run on these, do you? Gosh-a-roonie, I'd better get in line fast for these limited, hundred buck digital images, because once they're gone, they're gone FOREVER. There'd be no way they could ever make more of these once-in-a-lifetime collector's items!

It just gets better and better... Donny claims these cards showcase his life and history. I mean, who among us didn't thrill when he came down from Krypton, spraying laser vision all over the libs? Or when he was a cowpoke on the Yellowstone ranch? Who could forget when he landed on Mars and tossed out paper towels to the aliens? Just like real life. Only better!

Okay, before I lied. A hundred bucks doesn't just get you a digital image (collect and trade 'em all!). It also enters you into the Grand Sweepstakes where you could have dinner with the Mandarin Candidate! Wow! Sign me up! (Note: the fine print says you have to pay for your own travel, lodging, and even dinner. Don can't be bothered to buy your Big Mac.)

Me? I'm tempted. I'd love to have lunch with the Trumpster Dumpster. It probably wouldn't last longer than two minutes before Don would sling his shrimp cocktail at me and upend the table and storm out while his secret service men swarmed me. I'd probably only get in one question before it would come to a crashing halt. I'm torn between "So as a repeat rapist, did you ever consider you could be on the receiving end when you go to prison?" or "I'm a huge MAGA supporter. That stands for 'Make Abortion Great Again,' right? Is that because of all the abortions you've paid for?" or "When you were always picked last in gym class, did you whine and cry and lie that it was corrupt? Or did you dodge gym (like the draft) with a letter from Daddy, excusing you because of your baby hands?" or "Hey, could I get a peek under your comb-over? I'd really like to see the "666" mark." or "Why does a billionaire have to constantly grift his followers?"

But I refuse to give this dick any money. Don't do it! He's stolen from America, spat on our country, embarrassed us world-wide, and made a mockery of democracy. He's dangerous. Worse, he's dumb. And if this latest card scheme (his "Trump Card," so to speak) doesn't smack of desperation, then nothing ever will. C'mon...wanting to really, really stay out of prison is no reason to run for president.

Stop the grift!

And on that note, happy holidays everyone! (Please stuff my stockings with Donald Trump NFT Trading Cards! I'm really trying to locate the rare one where he battles dinosaurs with nothing but a loin cloth and a Big Mac.)