A.I. Nightmare Generator

"Huh. What won't they think of next?" This quote comes from my beloved, late mother and I think it's rather apt regarding what I'll be discussing. (My mom stated this a lot, actually, and although I never did find out who the ubiquitous "They" were {undoubtedly some secret deep state cabal}, as a naive child, I came to understand that "They" secretly ran the world, creating new inventions just to stymie people. But I digress.)

My pal, Gary (he of the infamous, self-indulgent "Brotherton" fame), recently hit me up regarding the new artificial intelligence image generators you can use on the interwebs. He said all you do is type in some crazy scenario and seconds later, you have an image at your disposal!

"Huh," I said. "What won't they think of next?" But I started pondering the ramifications of this new invention. Truly, it could revolutionize the world (while also maybe putting artists and photographers out of business). Just think of all the possibilities! If you're a self-publishing author, you could create your own book cover. And I can start making personalized photos for my blog posts without getting sued! How about students who can create custom-made illustrations for reports and papers and what-not! Consider all of the windows it would toss wide open in the fields of medicine and science and...and...and...

So obviously Gary and I decided to use this incredible new creation to try and freak each other out. Oh, sure, it started innocently enough with what Gary proposed as "Brotherton...the Game." He would send me some generator created pics and I would have to guess which Brotherton scenario it was. (The pic at top is supposed to be Dom Deluise and James Coco as twin bad-ass mafia enforcers.) Case in point...

Well, clearly this is "Gene Rayburn and Jack Palance as thawed neanderthal brothers who do odd jobs for rocks." Duh. (Yes, I know. There are still some flaws in the program in that the cavemen celebs look kinda funny and don't really look like who they're supposed to be, but COOL!)

Then things started going off the deep end and straying away from Brotherton as you can see...

This is supposed to be Shelly Winters dancing in a bikini with pygmies at church. Okay, there is no bikini (to which we're probably all grateful), and the "pygmies" look like Barney Rubble and Fred Flintstone without pants. Hang on...things get much worse...

 Obviously this is Dolph Sweet, Brian Dennehy, Kenneth McMillan, and Charles Durning are door to door quadruplet masseuses. Although it sorta looks like Jackie Gleason as "Gleasonstein's Monster" third from left. And to make more body horror, the guy on the far right has three legs, two bodies, one head. The way I like it.

I double dog defy you to guess what this pic is supposed to be. You got it? Good job! That's right, it's a 70's rock album cover featuring Buddy Hackett and Ernest Borgnine in a sauna filled with snakes! Very Cronenbergian. This AI image generator appears to thrive on body horror. Brrrrr. Nightmarish indeed.

Because I liked the imagery of Buddy and Ernest in a sauna filled with snakes so much, I decided to run the description again. Lookie what I created:

Not really clear on where Lucille Ball and Shelly Winter's love child came from, but here you go! You're welcome!

Next...

This one's easy. It's a 60's superhero comic book panel with Charles Nelson Reilly clipping his toenails. I believe I had a nightmare about this and subconsciously recalled it. Or I'm just super weird.

Get out the rice because here comes the bride...

By cracky, you guys are good! You guessed it right! It's Jim Nabors in a wedding dress marrying Rock Hudson! (C'mon, you guys know your dad or grandpa told you about this secret ceremony.)

Finally, we have...

A Picasso painting of Gary Busey on a Moped! Wow! So much fun! So many nightmares! So much time wasting!

This is just a smattering of what I've been up to this week. As you can see...we're using this stunning new technology to help mankind build to a stronger future. Or more than likely, we've just got a lot of time to kill.

Speaking of killing, there's a whole lot of it going on in my darkly comic serial killer trilogy, Killers Incorporated. Grab the first book, Secret Society, here to find out why killer with a moral code, Leon Garber, is now being hunted by his former employer, the nefarious Like-Minded Individuals, Inc. (Huh... What won't they think of next?)