David Fraser: Worst Interview EVER!

Please welcome back Dave Fraser, half of the awesome writing team of the terrific Jose Picada mystery comedy series. The other half, Heather Brainerd, couldn’t be reached. Sick or something. I guess.

SRW: Hey, Dave, how’re things going?

DF: Things are going great. Well, they're going okay, not great. I broke a tooth last week. You might think it was on candy or something. Nope. It was on a salad. Stupid lettuce. The tooth didn't hurt much, but there was a filling in that tooth and the chip exposed an edge of the filling. Every time I spoke, my tongue rubbed up against the sharp filling edge, so I spent a few days not talking much until my dentist could see me. My kids said it was a great few days.

SRW: Huh. That’s…interesting. I suppose lettuce can be deadly. Anyway, tell us about your thrilling new book, The Dragon-Kitty. It’s an interesting title, already has me dying to read it!

DF: Me too. 

SRW: Well…okay…but, you wrote it, Dave! Having read all of your Jose Picada books, I’m quite intrigued by your newest work. So, what’s The Dragon-Kitty about?

DF: It's the heartwarming and spine chilling tale of eleven-year-old Percy Potter, who discovers one day that not only is he a wizard, but he's also the son of Poseidon.  And his sister develops magical powers over ice and snow. She accidentally freezes their town and sings some very catchy songs. And a vampire and a werewolf both fall in love with him while he tries to throw a magic ring into the volcano where it was forged.

SRW:  Hm. So. Ah…a fantasy then? Sounds like a lot of disparate elements and heavy influences. Been watching a lot of movies lately, Dave? LOL. I can’t imagine trying to pull off songs in a novel. But I’m along for the ride. What inspired the novel?

DF: Nothing but my own original thoughts. I did NOT simply walk over to my kids' DVD collection and blatantly steal ideas.

 

SRW: Yikes. Simmer down, Dave. No one’s accusing you of anything (cough *Frozen; Lord of the Rings; Twilight; Harry Potter *cough). I’m sure you put your own spin on things. So…where does the titular Dragon-Kitty come in?

DF: You forgot Percy Jackson. I mean....never mind.

SRW: Um, Dave…is there a dragon-kitty in the book? It’s featured on your interesting cover.

DF: Well, you see, I did the cover first and then wrote the book. It seems as though I forgot to include a dragon-kitty. The working title for the sequel is The Dragon-Kitty 2: The Ninja Dragon-Kitty, so I have another chance to put one in somewhere.

SRW:  Well…I would think you’d want a dragon-kitty in there somewhere. I mean, it IS the title of the book. But, whatever. Okay, let’s talk about your main character, Percy Potter. 

DF: Percy Potter. He's a boy with an unruly mop of dark hair with a scar on his cheek in the shape of Johnny Depp. He also speaks in textspeak, like LOL and OMG and HSKLGIYSKH. That really cut down on the amount of typing I had to do. There are entire sections of monologue where it's just strings of letters.

SRW: I see. Sounds like it’ll appeal to a wide audience. (Maybe.) Well…hm…how about an excerpt?

DF: (Excerpt:)

Percy eyed the troll's club, not at all happy with the way that it was being swung at his head. The club crept closer with each swing. He had an advantage in speed, but that wouldn't last much longer. If only he hadn't lost his wand, he'd have a chance. The only escape was to confuse the troll.

"R U familiar with Immanuel Kant?" Percy asked.

It took a few seconds for the words to sink in. After two more swipes at Percy's head, the troll rested on her club like a cane, blinking rapidly. "Can't?" she said.

"Right. He argued that all actions can B good or bad based on the choice between duty and inclination, not the outcome. R U trying 2 kill me because U want 2, or because your master told U 2?"

The troll cocked her head to the side and stared at Percy. "Yes." Her face settled into a confused expression, which wasn't uncommon for a troll.

"That is 2 say," continued Percy, " from your point of view, smashing my head in is a good thing. However, and I cannot stress this strongly enough, this is merely 1 way 2 look at it. Consider the possibility that this is not a good thing.  U have a choice. Do U want 2, or do U have 2?"

The troll leaned down and inhaled deeply through her nose. "Percy Potter smell good." She batted her eyelashes.

A wave of nausea swept through Percy. There was just one thing that might save his life.

Romance.

"Oh, thank U," said Percy. "And your smell is very...unique."

She smiled at him.

"And are those chunks of unicorn in your teeth? They really complement your gingivitis."

With a giggle, the troll scooped Percy up, tossed him over her shoulder, and carried him into her cave.

SRW: Wow. I mean, really…wow. When’s the book come out, Dave? Or is it out? I can’t find it anywhere.

DF: It's a very limited release. Currently, it's only for sale in Sweden in a chain of book stores called Das Bṏṑk Stȍŕ. Full international availability will be timed to coincide with the movie release.

 

Here's David's author photo he sent. Something smells funny.

SRW: Movie release. Right. Dave…this book doesn’t exist, does it?

DF: Sure it does. There's a book cover and an excerpt. How can there be a cover and an excerpt if there's no book? 

SRW: Sigh. Whatever, Dave. I give up.

There you have it folks. Be on the look-out for Dave Fraser’s The Dragon-Kitty. Let me know if you find it. In the meantime, be sure and check out Dave and Heather's Amazon page: FOR BOOKS I KNOW EXIST.