Friday, October 24, 2014

Trick or Terrorism!

Hey, how time flies. Halloween, one of my favorite times of the year, is once again nearly here.

Now if you're reading this, you guys know  I enjoy writing about spooky things, love me some bad ol' horror films. I really like how Fall rudely pushes Summer aside, no patience for anything green. Practically overnight, everything changes into scorched oranges, bitter yellows, fire-truck reds.  Colors that burn away memories of sissy Summer. The air feels different, rich, yet threatening harsher weather to come. Living leaves die, floating to the earth, their crackly husks nothing more than a nuisance to be raked. Okay, that part of Fall I can live without.

Halloween's near, though. Huzzah. Gives me an excuse to indulge in awful horror films.

Having said that, I actually hate Halloween night. Not because of witches, ghosts, goblins, or zombie apocalypses. And "hate" sounds like a strong word. How about Halloween night terrifies me?

It's the kids, those darned kids.

They come to the door dressed like anime mutants and miniature superheroes and fairy princesses fresh out of "Toddlers and Tiaras." Knocks on the door send chills down my spine. I'm not one of those adults who can easily schmooze with creepy kids. We live in a politically correct world. One misspoken word and I'm the neighborhood outcast.

You know, speaking of having a way with kids, everyone has a creepy aunt or other relative in their past. The one who always smelled funny and had Brillo-pad cheeks. And on Halloween night, they always greeted kids with, "You're so cute, I could eat you up!"

I don't know about you, but that's absolutely horrifying. What kid wouldn't flee from that? Especially when she adds a pinch to the cheek like a sprinkling of salt. But enough about my cannibalistic aunt. Back on point...

The worst part of these nocturnal Halloween invaders? They threaten. Actually threaten.

"Trick or treat!" Bottom line is if I don't give into their demands, give them teeth-rotting candy, they'll do something awful to my house.

I don't give into terrorism. Never have, never will. And that's basically what they are...cute, little terrorists.

Homeland security needs to start on our porches. On Halloween night.


  1. Haha! Yep, definitely little terrorists. Though I always thought it was the kids asking if they could get a treat for doing a trick. Some lady in my neighborhood used to answer the door saying that we had to do some kind of trick for a treat. Looking back, she probably just had a really warped sense of humor...hmm, that kind of puts a different spin on a few memories.

  2. Hahahaha! That's all I can say as I roll around on the floor laughing.