Friday, May 3, 2013

The Beauty of "Winterbeast (No, I'm Not Talking About Sally Field)"

You guys gotta' check out the movie Winterbeast. It's better than Spielberg's Lincoln. Plus Sally Field's not in it.

I know, I know. Lincoln's supposed to be an important movie. But have you guys seen it? Really? Boring. It documents a tumultuous time, details socially relevant issues, narrates the tale of one of our greatest presidents. Ho-hum. Pass the awards and wake me when it's over.

Lincoln's like lima beans. Everyone says they're great for you, but no one has the gall to step right up and say they suck. So everyone nods their heads and says, "yeah, Lincoln's brilliant" because they're too ashamed to admit the truth (see Gandhi, Out Of Africa, Reds or any important academy award winning film in the last couple decades). We feel guilty if we say we don't like it.

Winterbeast should be an academy award winning film. Every year. It's not dull. It's miles more entertaining than "Lincoln." But for all the wrong reasons.

Laughter's good for the soul. Winterbeast isn't a comedy, but it's the funniest film I've seen in years. A wrong-headed (in all the right ways) horror film from the early '90's with scarier monsters than Sally Field. There're multiple, stop-motion beasties, a villain in a hideous plaid jacket who should be hosting a game show, and dialogue Ed Wood would find insulting. Characters flow in and out and cops chortle over nudie cards. Best of all, within the same scene, the nominal hero's mustache and hair changes. Like magic! Magic like Winterbeast.

There's some sorta' nominal plot about totem poles causing damage and evil and destruction and monsters or some sorta' nonsense. I got lost within the peyote-induced cinemonstrosity of it all. It doesn't matter. Winterbeast is like a loving mother octopus. The movie wraps it's squiggly, goofy tentacles around you, pulls you in tight, not for a hug, but a lasting, lingering, gushy pile of inky murkiness. Sublime.

A couple years ago I bought the DVD from the director. He also included the soundtrack, a T-shirt, and an autographed poster. All for twenty bucks. Bargain! I can't find the link now or I'd share it with you, but it's available at other venue.

It's a very special film. I give it five thumbs up from Kansas (I live by a nuclear plant).


  1. I looked for this online, saw a clip and went on to look at "chili monsters" in a movie called Wendigo. Holy Jupiter and Neptune, Batman! What B movie gold!

  2. Okay...I really need to find a clip of this on YouTube!

  3. Michael and Tammy! It's a masterpiece! (Okay a messterpiece, maybe). Would I steer you guys wrong?

  4. Saw your post about this over at avmaniacs forums. You could not find a link? Not sure how old it is but the film has a main website where it can still be ordered; I had never heard of this film previously but it def looks like I must see it