Friday, October 21, 2016

Demons ate my mom!

For many years, I had faith in my mom regarding politics. One of the few things we saw eye-to-eye on. We hoo-hahed over the ludicrous notion of Trump even running for president. I mean, seriously, a year ago, did anyone think it was possible? Bad hair, violent temper, quite crazy (real good).

Trump's hat toss was funny for a while. Not so much any more. But I could count on Mom to laugh along with me at his blatant insanity.

Yesterday, I called Mom. She brought up politics. I told her the badly-coiffed buffoon would get us into World War III. Hillary isn't my favorite politician either, but I expect her to at least keep the status quo. Best we can hope for these days.

My mom's response nearly stopped my heart. My pulse pounded in my ears, crying to me in a tiny cartoony-mouse voice, "Mom's tipped over!"

Out of nowhere, she blindsided me with, "You're wrong. Trump is the more religious man."


Well, I kinda flipped out. My mom's holier-than-thou attitude added fuel to the fire.

Facts meant nothing to her. "Mom, this guy wants to start war! He hates everyone who's not white and straight! His haircut is a blatant physical representation of everything he lies about. It's just a juvenile game to him! He'll bring on Armageddon! We do NOT want him talking to foreign leaders, trust me!"

"You're wrong," she says, "he's led by God."

It's hard to argue with the Big Guy, but I tried anyway. "Trump's NOT a good Christian. All he wants is sexual harassment and destruction!"

"Yes, Stuart, but how long ago did those accusations happen?"

"Last week! The guy wants to violate and kill 'real good'! Mom!" I'm shamelessly screaming at this point. "There's a separation of Church and State for a reason!"

"Huh. Shouldn't be."

"Let's see... The sixteenth century had Henry VIII killing people in the name of Christianity so he could sleep with every woman he wanted. Heads were lopped! The Spanish Inquisition! You know how many people were killed because--"

"Huh. Spain. Not America."

"Ohhhh! We all came from immigrants! So many people have been put to death when religion gets in charge of government, it's crazy. And Trump's the worst. He--"

"I know what I know. We'll see who's right."
"Trump reminds me of someone else, someone who called himself a Christian. What was his name...lessee...Adam, no, that's not it...Aidan? No...oh, I got it! Hitler! How'd that work out for everyone?"

Pointless. I simmahed down. Sizzled out. The whole thing was weird. Where'd this suddenly come from? Particularly at a time when most people were bailing on the Trump train?

"Okay, Mom, I'll take you shopping next Tuesday."

"God will prove I'm right."



  1. Oh, my goodness! That's shocking! Who could ever believe he was led by God???? Strangely, though he doesn't admit it, my son has taken the Boat of Bad Hair too. He's convinced Hillary is somehow worse than this terrible liar and firmly believes in his 16-year-old wisdom that Trump never sexually assaulted anyone, that it's just women who want to be famous. Like who'd wanna be famous for that?

  2. What a strange and funny conversation.

    I'm so glad that this election is nearly over. I don't even live in the US, but I'm still seeing way too many stories on it. It will be nice when the reporters find other things to talk about. :)

  3. Sorry about your mom. Maybe it's some sort of bad Halloween horror joke and she'll tell you she was just kidding. Trump a Christian? The guy worships at the idol of corporate greed. He uses his campaign to get free press for his hotels.