I'm not talking about global warming, although that's kinda' bad, I think.
No, I'd like to rant about a far more insidious threat, something coming from within, something tearing up the world, something the youth of today are "trending" to the point of terrorism.
I'm talking about wearing pajamas in public.
Sure, I know it's a hipster thing to do, sorta' post-modern ironic. But it's awful.
Back at my old corporate job, some of the customer service women started wearing pajama bottoms into work. We're talking pastels with bunnies and crap on them. If the customers only knew what their representatives we're wearing. Shaking my head just remembering the horrors.
Last week, I went to a convenience store (because it was convenient). A girl walks in, wearing her jammies. I'm thinking, "What, a slumber party at Quik-Trip?"
Look, I'm not a fan of pajamas in the first place. Too confining, too soft, too itchy...too "churchy-feeling." I sleep in my underwear. But you don't see me strolling into McDonalds in my boxers, business as usual, proudly saying, "Big Mac, please." Just...no. (Trust me, it wouldn't be pretty).
To sweeten the pot, maybe I'll even get a "tramp-stamp" that says "Juicy." How do you like me now, you ridicu-hipsters?
So I'm calling out to you, my brethren in arms. Let's put a stop to the madness. Let's take back the night (and put pajamas back in bed where they belong). Rally with me! Norma Rae, Norma Rae! Free the penguins! Unleash the badgers! Don't forget to floss! Stop eating Kale, it's pointless! I'm Spartacus! Vote for me!
Sorry, sorry...I'm letting my cranky old man out to play.
Oh, one last thing...you kids get outta' my yard!