Friday, July 18, 2014

I Survived the Polar Vortex!

So, I lived through the "Polar Vortex," and not much changed. It's kinda' like how I thought I'd be feel a lot different once I turned 21. What a disappointment that was.

Still, It's hard to gauge because l have no idea what a Polar Vortex is.

My wife said, "There's a Polar Vortex coming." I said, "What's that?" She answered, "Look it up."

Well, my wife likes me to use my brain, something I'm not accustomed to. Almost a game we play to see who can be more stubborn. Instead I went into full survivalist mode, loading up on canned tamales (a must) and winter gear. I was scared, who wouldn't be? My wife sounded like one of those ominous characters from "Game of Thrones" constantly warning that "winter's coming."

Then my wife decided to shake things up some more. She added that the Polar Vortex will be accompanied by a "Super Moon." A what? You mean,  the regular moon is in some sort of Clark Kent mode?

I counted down the seconds until the event like a kid marking the days until Christmas. The Big Event arrived. The first night, the temperature dropped into the 50's. Very odd for July in Kansas. I blame it on global warming. The moon looked blood red, nothing super about it. But, honestly, the event didn't live up to my apocalyptic expectations. I was sorta' looking forward to apes gaining intelligence, computers running rampant, Big Brother slapping me silly. Where's my dystopia, dammit?

Instead I got a little chilly. A few sniffles, some sneezes, no biggie. I'm going to wear a t-shirt with a slogan reading, "I survived the Polar Vortex and all I got was this dumb shirt and a cold."

The next time it's the end of the world, it better be more satisfying.

1 comment:

  1. I'm glad you survived. Sorry it didn't live up to your expectations. I'll tell the people upstairs to send you something better next time. like a plague or Godzilla. ;)