Friday, August 30, 2013

The Truth About William Hurt's Head

Important things like this keep me up at night.

Several years ago when I was a production artist, I had a friend who worked at a competing printing company. They had huge contracts. One of their clients was the "Sci-Fi Channel."  They go by "Sy-Fy" now or some silly thing, but I refuse to play along because they're embarrassed about their "science fiction" origins. Now, they're all about reality shows ("Are You America's Next Top Alien?")  and movies with killer titles like "Sharkoctupus Versus Whorepedo."

Anyway. The Sci-Fi channel was promoting their "Dune" television series. My pal's company printed up tons of promotional bags. William Hurt got wind of it. Stopped the presses. I imagine it was as exciting, if not as honorable, as a journalist shouting to his publisher to shut down production because a larger story just broke.

Well, the reason was definitely "larger." And it nearly broke the printing company. William Hurt's head-shot wasn't as prominent as he wanted it to be. He demanded it be larger than a bus, more prominent than his co-stars.

Well. First...William Hurt's forehead already looks like it's carved outta' granite and should be on Mount Rushmore. His skull could stop traffic.

Second, thousands of dollars were laid to waste in the aftermath of Hurricane Hurt. Countries coulda' been fed.

Third, a good friend of mine has worked with William Hurt in the past and verifies that Hurt's ego is indeed larger than his head. My contact's identity shall remain undisclosed, but call this secret source "Deep Throat (if you guys are too young to understand the reference, go google 'Watergate')." I'm super-stoked that I have a secret source because I feel like I'm exposing things people need to know. Maybe not. (But, honestly, it's also sorta' a juvenile thrill to be able to drop the term "deep throat" in a non-porno manner on my blog and get away with it. Remember, I'm twelve years old at heart.).

Fourth, what's up with celebrities, anyway?

If self-important and wealthy celebrities would invest as much time in promoting worthy causes instead of pumping up their images,'s the limit.


  1. LO-El Enjoyed the commentary!

  2. I have never understood why some people have egos the size of Wyoming. If someone were to make my head bigger than everybody else's in a picture, I would have to run away and hide with HooDoo in Lidsville (I bet more people need to google that obscure historical reference than Watergate). Big heads require big hats.

  3. Uh-oh. Michael's breaking out Sid and Marty Krofft references. Everyone...RUN!

  4. Okay, I'm still laughing at Sharkoctupus Versus Whorepedo, lol!! And, yeah, totally agree--celebs could do some really good things for the world...or just buy a new yacht. Too bad so many vote for the boat (though if I had money, or ever do, don't hold me to never buying a boat).

    This post brought to you by too little sleep :)