Strange New Species Discovery!

Recently I discovered something of great anthropological interest; a new breed of humanity that inhabit an island, far, far away from civilized humanity. They've developed their own curious language, bizarre dating rituals, wear little to no clothing, and have developed a dance uniquely their own.

Yes, it is I, Sir Admiral "Take A" Leaky, bringing you another important armchair anthropological discovery. I'm talking about, of course, the uncivilized inhabitants of Love Island.

This fascinating documentary series about a heretofore unknown species unravels in daily fashion, each day bringing a new discovery of this vastly different culture.

First of all, I have to wonder how these inhabitants came to live on Love Island in the first place. In an undisclosed location (clearly to protect their primitive lifestyle from civil people), these people all appear to be in their 20's (what would ordinarily be considered "Gen Z") and have great genetic qualities. There are no uggos in this collection of perfect human specimens. Which begs the question...who gave birth to this strange species? There are no responsible, older adults on the island, nor are there any children to be seen. How in the world can they sustain their lifestyle if they're all sterile?

Let's look at their curious language. "I wanna chop it up with her" is one such expression used constantly by the island's inhabitants (castaways?). After much consideration, I have decided it means that a courting male desires to chop up their meal (a boar, perhaps?) with his partner to be. Constantly they say "I ain't gonna lie," reaffirming their commitment to telling the truth (although, ironically enough, few of them do refrain from lying). "I'm standing on business" is a much used idiom that I haven't quite deciphered as is "I'm pressing down." Violence seems to be hinted at in their language. Finally, the inhabitants constantly brag that "I'd f*** with that." In civilized humanity, if someone were to say that, it would mean "giving one the business," but here it seems to be a statement of lust.

The new species on Love Island have no leader except for the rarely seen Queen of Love Island. Almost like a spiritual apparition, she appears in front of a ceremonial firepit, handing down orders as to what her minions shall do next, usually involving mating and sex. They are forced to "couple up" with someone for an overnight conjugal visit, all in the same bedroom, thus dispensing of rituals of civilized people such as dating, courting, and privacy.

The Love Island species appear to shun clothing at every possibility. The men lounge around in short shorts and the women choose to let it all hang out with a strap of dental floss set between their bottom cheeks, thus defying any possibility of comfort, practicality or sanitation.

No one appears to have a job, their days filled with working out, chatting, lounging pool-side and gossiping. A primitive culture, they seem to have a lot of growing to do as a people on the rise. But how far will it go? Does civilized humanity want these people to breed? Or were they themselves bred in test tubes?

Their extremely strange behavior might suggest such an origin. At every given chance, they change amorous partners more often than I change my underwear. The women have developed their own peculiar way of dancing wherein they thrust their bottoms in the air and make their cheeks flop up and down. This style was referred to as "twerking," and it's not a good look on anyone, particularly in civilized cultures.

The people of Love Island are worthy of much more study than I can provide from my armchair. Hopefully, someone will delve fully into this eccentric offspring of humanity and bring some much-needed clarity to this curious phenomena.

Or as my nephew put it, "Love Island represents everything that's wrong with humanity."

While on the topic of strange people and culture, I would be remiss if I didn't bring your attention to the folks of Peculiar County. Here, normal civilized people rub elbows with ghosts, witches, something that flies in the night, and murderers. Just another day in Peculiar County. You can visit right here!