The Blue Jay of Nutrition

Recently, my wife and I were kicking around Weston, Kansas, a quaint, small town known for wineries (yay!) and "antiquing (boo! And don't ever, ever, EVER use that "word" around me)." When we left, I noticed a small store off the beaten path.

"Blue Jay Nutrition," I scoffed. "I wonder what they sell!"

My wife says, "Nutrition. Duh." Then she waited a beat. "Wait...did you think that it was nutrition for blue jays?" She starts laughing and laughing and attracting attention to my dunder-headed faux pas.

"Well...kinda." I hung my head, burning redder than a fire hydrant.

In retrospect, I should've known better. But my brain blipped and I followed the logic. For a ludicrous moment, I imagined the store's proprietor giving a tour to visiting school children. "Okay, today I'm going to show you what blue jays eat for their nutritious needs. Other bird's eggs. That's the end of our tour, boys and girls, please donate your lunch money on your way out. See ya!"

Well, it was kinda a dumb name for a store, so don't judge me.

Of course this sent me down the path of finding other really dumb business/store names. The results will make you say "what the hell were they thinking?"

There's "The Morning Wood Company." Not a joke, not an imaginary story, not a dream! It gets even worse with their slogan: "You've Got To Get Up Early To Beat Us." I'd like to think that the proprietor of Morning Wood knew exactly what he was doing, but...would it equate to good business?

How about "Bunghole Liquors?" I'm not even going to comment on this one. Well, maybe I will. If the owners name is "Bunghole," surely a lifetime of childhood humiliation would've sent him fleeing to the courthouse by now to have his name legally changed.

"Poopsie's" isn't so bad, I suppose... If it were a children's fun palace or toy store. Maybe. But it's a restaurant. Next!

"Sam & Ella's Chicken Palace" is next on the list. This one took me a moment to figure through. But keep saying "Sam 'n Ella"  out loud and you'll realize it's about the worst possible advertisement for a chicken palace one could imagine.

Here's one that dads everywhere will be sure to enjoy: "Passmore Gas & Propane." C'mon, Dad, let's hear that one again! 

"Master Bait & Tackle!" Well...I'm not sure how these two activities (if you will) go hand-in-hand (if you will even more!), but I won't be darkening their doorway any time soon (unless I'm wearing a trench coat and nothing underneath, if you will infinity!).

We'll wrap things up with "Dumass Taco." I kinda think these guys knew what they were doing since their logo is a donkey. Just don't confuse them with their competitor down the street, "Braniac Burrito."

There you have just a few entries into the remarkably creative (or astoundingly narrow-minded and just plain dumb) arena of mercantilism. Okay! It's going on lunch-time, so I think I'll go and pop off at the local "Kum 'n Go" for something good... Wait... Um...

While we're on the topic of dunderheaded and idiotic buffoons, meet Zach Caulfield, male stripper par excellence (but he prefers "male entertainment dancer") and incredibly unlucky dead body magnet! Thank God for his sleuthing sister, Zora, who bails him out of trouble time and time again by finding the real murderers (even when she's carting around her four kids, natch). Read the wacky hijinx and cases of MURDERRRRRRRRR in the Zach and Zora comic mystery series!