Friday, September 6, 2019

Full Moon Over the Highway

My eyes! Gahhh, my eyes!


So we're tooling down the highway (that's not us in the above picture) when a motorcycle zips by doing at least 80 miles per hour. With a girl holding onto the driver, wearing the skimpiest of thongs. Her cheeks are spread wide and pointed up for the world to see.

After I'd finished laughing, I said, "I bet her mother's proud of her."

Because laugh is what I did. I assume the woman in question thought this was the most extreme in sexy, but it was ludicrous at best. They went on careening down the highway, surely causing wrecks left and right, not only by their break-neck speed, but more importantly by the shocking glare of the full moon.

("But, officer, I was blinded by this blazing full moon. It wasn't my--"

"In broad daylight? Have you been drinking, sir?")

Later, I gave it more thought, because there are just things you can't unsee). I wondered if she regretted that poor sartorial choice whilst picking out gravel and dead bugs from her arse cheeks. What would've happened had she taken a tumble, fallen off? I imagine the thong would be immediately retired. Furthermore, aren't those things possibly the most uncomfortable and ridiculous pieces of bottom wear ever designed? Finally, is it illegal to be showing that much skin on the highway? 

I got together with my research assistant, Ms. Google, to find out. The results may astound you! (Hyperbole alert!)

In most states, it's okay to ride a motorcycle topless, male or female. Because women's breasts aren't considered obscene. (Those zany, nutty free spirits in Portland, of course, conduct a "World Naked Bike Ride" every year). Now, here's where it gets tricky... Genitalia is forbidden to be exposed, natch. Those parts are naughty. Naughty, I tell you! Because not everyone has them, I guess. But I couldn't find anything regarding arses, so ladies and gentlemen, let those moons shine!

Though, on the highway? I do believe a case could be made for breasts and full moons on the highway to be...um...a dangerous distraction. Just sayin'.

Speaking of full moons, my new werewolf thriller/(very) dark comedy, Corporate Wolf, is out now by the fine folks at Grinning Skull Press. Get in on the throat-tearing, gut-gnawing wacky hijinx today!


2 comments:

  1. Reminds me of living in Old Orchard Beach. Waaaaay too many overweight Canadians wearing spandex. Some things you just can't unsee.

    ReplyDelete
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    i am ERIC BRUNT by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my wife after three(3) years of marriage just because another Man had a spell on her and she left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a man had a spell on my wife and he told me that he will help me and after 3 days that i will have my wife back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my wife. Thanks for helping me Dr Akhere contact him on email: AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com
    or
    call/whatsapp:+2349057261346

    ReplyDelete