Friday, September 6, 2019

Full Moon Over the Highway

My eyes! Gahhh, my eyes!

So we're tooling down the highway (that's not us in the above picture) when a motorcycle zips by doing at least 80 miles per hour. With a girl holding onto the driver, wearing the skimpiest of thongs. Her cheeks are spread wide and pointed up for the world to see.

After I'd finished laughing, I said, "I bet her mother's proud of her."

Because laugh is what I did. I assume the woman in question thought this was the most extreme in sexy, but it was ludicrous at best. They went on careening down the highway, surely causing wrecks left and right, not only by their break-neck speed, but more importantly by the shocking glare of the full moon.

("But, officer, I was blinded by this blazing full moon. It wasn't my--"

"In broad daylight? Have you been drinking, sir?")

Later, I gave it more thought, because there are just things you can't unsee). I wondered if she regretted that poor sartorial choice whilst picking out gravel and dead bugs from her arse cheeks. What would've happened had she taken a tumble, fallen off? I imagine the thong would be immediately retired. Furthermore, aren't those things possibly the most uncomfortable and ridiculous pieces of bottom wear ever designed? Finally, is it illegal to be showing that much skin on the highway? 

I got together with my research assistant, Ms. Google, to find out. The results may astound you! (Hyperbole alert!)

In most states, it's okay to ride a motorcycle topless, male or female. Because women's breasts aren't considered obscene. (Those zany, nutty free spirits in Portland, of course, conduct a "World Naked Bike Ride" every year). Now, here's where it gets tricky... Genitalia is forbidden to be exposed, natch. Those parts are naughty. Naughty, I tell you! Because not everyone has them, I guess. But I couldn't find anything regarding arses, so ladies and gentlemen, let those moons shine!

Though, on the highway? I do believe a case could be made for breasts and full moons on the highway to dangerous distraction. Just sayin'.

Speaking of full moons, my new werewolf thriller/(very) dark comedy, Corporate Wolf, is out now by the fine folks at Grinning Skull Press. Get in on the throat-tearing, gut-gnawing wacky hijinx today!

1 comment:

  1. Reminds me of living in Old Orchard Beach. Waaaaay too many overweight Canadians wearing spandex. Some things you just can't unsee.