Snowmageddapocalypse!

Devoured by Winter!

I know it sounds like a new Sy-Fy movie starring Beverly Hills 90102 refugees, but Snowmageddapocalypse's here, folks, and it's happening. And by its fierceness, it appears to be damn proud of it. Get used to it!

Eat it, Winter.

As much as I'd like to blame President Trump for this one, he gets a rare pass from me. It's all about global warming. (Wait, has Trump accepted global warming as a reality yet? Or does that reside with Santa Claus, kindness, and Meryl Streep as a good actress in his bed-side fairy tale book?)

I 'spose I shouldn't be so harsh on global warming. Last year, we were (short-term) blessed with a relatively calm winter. This year? Like Forrest's box of chocolates, you just never know what yore gonna get.

A week ago, from morning 'til mid-afternoon, I was jazzed by the weather, had to change into a lighter jacket, had the friggin' window down. If I had hair, it would've been blowing back  to the songs of Bruce Springsteen as I drove down the highway. (What? I'm old!).

Hours later, winter had a change of mind. Six inches of snow dropped in a matter of hours. That was round one of the three installment storm.

Grudgingly, I trawled outside, started shoveling. My back screamed, I nearly fell several times. Panting, I had to take several breaks (thankfully, not a hip), a first. You know, where were all those enterprising kids who used to constantly hassle me about shoveling my drive for $5? Although, come to think of it, I believe back in my youth I just let the snow ride until nature took care of it. Now, of course, those kids are nowhere to be found. Could be I chased 'em off one time to many ("You dumb kids get offa my lawn!").

Regardless, eight hours later, I had to clear the driveway again.

It's getting kinda old. As we jumped in our car during single digit temperatures, I told my wife "this weather's for the birds." She said, "no, no, they don't like it either." She had a point. I mean one snowstorm is pretty. Two is weary acceptance. Third time causes cursing and indignant fury and day drinking and wanting to fly South.

I think I'm gonna shoot that stupid groundhog (hey, it's Kansas; even priests carry guns). I guarantee he'll never see another shadow.

Snow's one thing. But the ice? That's a whole different monster.  Driving on it's about as impossible as arguing with someone on social media: you can't see them and they're impossible to negotiate.

Part of the horrific weather is due to the Midwest. We've come to expect rough winters. But nothing like this. I dread how much worse it'll get in upcoming years.

Guess we'll find out in...Snowmageddapocalypse II (starring Ian Ziering and Paris Hilton as the brilliant astro-physicist/metereologist.)

Speaking of horrible snowstorms, did you guys hear about the storm that forced various serial killers, an abusive husband, a hit man, a couple of gangsters, a runaway wife, and her daughter to take refuge in a very spooky and mysterious bed and breakfast? No? Well, what're you waiting for? It'll warm you up while chilling your blood: Dread and Breakfast.