Oh, hello there. I'm Sir Wesley Stuart, author extraordinaire of fine and exquisite children's literature. Perhaps you remember my mystery chapter book classic, Oh, Dear, What's Happened to Miss Billyew's Glove? How could you possibly forget my riveting masterpiece of childhood trauma, Hurry, Toddie, Which Way to the Loo? Alas, these classics are long out of print (which is a travesty, I tell you. A travesty!).
Today, however, I'm guest-posting on Stuart R. West's blog (a rather nice chap, I believe, if a little rough around the edges; he IS, after all, from *sniff* Kansas) to bring you extraordinary news. Announcing my first children's book in decades, Don't Put Gum in the Fish Bowl! Huzzah.
(Yes, yes, I know you're all as ecstatic as I am over this momentous occasion, but kindly maintain a decorum of dignity. We're not savages, after all.)
Now, I know you're all asking where I've been in the intervening years between books. Therein lies a long story (not a particularly good one) involving my persecution by the local constable and his boobie-headed bobbies regarding a public display involving ice cream, a broom and a box of toads. Total balderdash (or as you yanks are fond of saying, "fake news"). Needless to say, genius is never appreciated during one's lifetime.
Harumph. Now where was I?... Ah, yes!
Don't Put Gum in the Fish Bowl is a cheeky tale, full of irreverent humor certain to put the red in your little ones' cheeks. It puts me in mind of my past children's comedy masterwork, Someone's Knicked Me Knickers!
Fish Bowl is the timeless tale of Peggy, a young girl who feels fit to babysit her younger siblings. Mother entrusts the exacting job to Peggy and--oh no, oh my!--she encounters giant floating goldfish, chatty birds, and demanding bees along the way! (Why, I'm absolutely bowled over--bowled over, I say!--with laughter merely recalling my brilliant tale!)
My extraordinary co-creator is a young artist who goes by the one-named (similar to Cher) moniker of Sirac. Sirac is an excellent illustrator and *sniff* funny-book artist who has brought my characters to vivid life. And believe me, ladies and gentlemen, I wouldn't entrust such larger-than-life characters to any mere funny-book artist. If you harbor any doubts, you won't after surveying the glorious art of Sirac. Behold!
For more examples of Sirac's stellar artwork, visit his Facebook page at: https://www.facebook.com/SiracIncArt
But enough about Sirac. Let's get back to a topic first and foremost on everyone's minds: me.
Our outstanding pièce de résistance, Don't Put Gum in the Fish Bowl, is recommended for children ages 3 to 8 (although, honestly, I tend to believe any cultured adult would enjoy the extraordinary world Sirac and I have created as well). It can be ordered at Amazon: Don't Put Gum in the Fish Bowl (Although honestly those Amazonians befuddle me at times; the book is listed as temporarily out of stock, but it's merely more persecution. All orders will be fulfilled soon enough, brutes they can be.).
If you'd rather not wait, you can receive more immediate satisfaction through my publisher's--Guardian Angel Books--website: Don't Put Gum in the Fish Bowl.
Order now and thank me later. While on the matter of acknowledgements, I suppose I should thank Stuart R. West for hosting me. (But, honestly, it's somewhat dank and dingy here at "Twisted Tales from Tornado Alley." Would it hurt the barbarian to crack a window on occasion? I swan.) So tea-cup lifted, pinky finger extended. "Cheers."