I know what you're thinking...how in the world does our President have time to maintain a diary when he's busy tweeting 24-7? Good question. But the facts don't lie.
Here we go...
It's me, Donald. You know, it's really, really, really hard making America great again, but I'm up to the challenge. I'm pretty much super-human, after all. And there are a lot of white, privileged, angry, rich men counting on me.
Stupid checks and balances, bah. Congress keeps trying to stop my rise to greatness. Aided, of course, by liberals, CNN, and the evil vampires from Twilight. Not the good ones, like Robert Pattinson. They're firmly on my side.
Melania says I need to do something fun to cheer up. Maybe I'll declare it open hunting season on baby seals. Or maybe I'll make a reporter cry, that's always good for a couple of laughs.
No, wait, I got it! I'll start World War III, my very own war! That'll be really, really neat. Where's my phone?
Got it! Okay... I need to come up with some new names to call Kim Jong Un... I've already used short, fat, childish, terrorist, and rocket man. I really, really like that last one. How 'bout "Tweedledumbest?" No, wait, got it! "A human egg." Even better, a "Chinese weeble!"
Done. Tweeted and got my finger on the Big, Red Button as I write.
Whew! It's three in the morning and I've had a highly presidential day! Good night, world."
Before President Trump pushes that button, how about a little laughter in your life?
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