Friday, August 19, 2016

Pokeman NO!

I'll let you in on a little secret...I was sick of Pokemon 20 years ago. Honestly, I'd thought it'd crested the wave of popularity. But it's come screaming back with a vengeance, that damn Pikachu popping up everywhere you look.
You see, 20 years ago, my young daughter was into the cartoon when it first hit the airwaves. So, dutifully, I suffered through every episode with her. We graduated to trading cards, manga, expensive plush toys imported from Japan. It got to the point where I could practically name the first 100 of the little b@$*ards myself. Gave me nightmares. I mean...Jigglypuff? A round, pink big-eyed monstrosity that lulled everyone to sleep with its demonic siren song. But...that's what parents do: suffer for their children.

So I thought I'd seen the last of the little yellow, horned devil. Even had an impromptu (yet cathartic and fun!) funeral for one of the Pikachu plushies while recently cleaning out the basement. How I tortured that toy made me kinda wonder about myself.

Anyway, I digress. Now Pokemon mania has swept the nation like a plague. This time affecting adults and children alike. Everywhere you go, cars are crashing, people are fighting , Pokemon victims stumble into wells and stroll into busy traffic. Total anarchy in the streets! Why? Because the Pokemon are on the loose. Gotta catch them all! Gah! The game, "Pokemon Go," is unavoidable. And here I thought  people "inviting" me to play Candy Crush (whatever that is) were annoying.

Now, as in every hot topic issue, not all sides are clear. Given that I'm fair-minded, let's look at the positives. Some doctors ("experts" as they're referred to) say "Pokemon Go" is a good thing. It's getting people outside and walking. I'm all for that. But look up from your smart phone every once in a while!

And let's give the conspiracy guys their due diligence.  They're saying "Pokemon Go" is a Government Spook. They may not be wrong. Not only are players allowing access to their location and camera, but possibly even their Google account. Scary that the game was created by Niantic, a company founded by John Hanke. According to my research (and, as always, I believe everything I read on the internet), if you trace Hanke's work career, he's heavily involved in Government-funded capital firms and security organizations. Whew.

And according to my research assistant, Mr. Google, the following is buried in "Pokemon Go's" privacy policy:

We may disclose any information about you (or your authorized child) that is in our possession or control to government or law enforcement officials or private parties.

Big Brother is here! And he looks like Squirtle!   

Enough is enough! It's time to take back the streets! People! Pokemon aren't real! Pursue something worthwhile, like, I dunno, snipes or Bigfoot or something! 

(Psst...don't tell anyone but I'm kinda jealous. After watching my bro-in-law play "Pokemon Go" this weekend, I thought the game looked kinda fun. But Luddite that I am, I only have a flip-phone, circa 2001. Probably a good thing. I'd get addicted, I just know it! Gotta catch 'em all!).


  1. I can just imagine you doing just that - catching them all and then murder ensues. Oh, wait, that's me! :)

  2. The most bizarre thing about the Pokeman craze is that when we were in Amsterdam, there were all kinds of people riding their bikes while playing the game. I wonder how many accidents happened as a result.