Friday, February 26, 2016

Vacuum Wars

Little did I know how my life would change when I took the vacuum cleaner in to be fixed. A tale of woe and caution...
The store was a little one, a neighborhood joint. I always like to give business to "Mom & Pop shops." 

For you see my vacuum sucked, just not the right way. So in I went.

"Hmm, looks like you have 'The Boss.' Someone likes Springsteen," said the vacuum guy.

"Yeah, but this baby's not born to run."

I slayed. The vacuum guy laughed and laughed and laughed. Off to a killer start. But horrors awaited.

After a month of not hearing from them, I visited the store. Problem is they're never open. Weird hours. Only open Monday, Wednesday and Friday, 10-4. And even during those times, the guy still wouldn't open the door for me. I visited, lurked, waited. Closed. Always.

I called. Got "Dave" in the warehouse. Speaking in an indecipherable foreign accent straight out of creaky Frankenstein movies.

"Hello! Yes! Yes! This is Dave!"
"Um, hi, Dave, I have a vacuum with you guys, been there for a month. It's 'The Boss,' and I..."

"Yes, yes, $89 dollars! But I'll sell you a new one, better than Walmarts!"

"Well, thanks anyway, but let's just fix the old one."

"Yes, yes!"

Another month passes. No word. I call again and get Ygor in the warehouse cavern again.

"Yes, yes, yes, I'm glad you called. We lost the ticket. Runs like new!"

Two days later, I pick it up. Then notice, after the fact, all of the arm extension and accessories are missing.

"Dave (which is a weird name for a clearly European mad doctor), I'm not happy," I tell him. "All of the accessories are missing."

"Yes, yes, yes! I knew I should've never taken on this job! I knew it! You should've bought a new vacuum! I told you so!"

Huh. So much for the customer is always right.  I let him know this.

"You're crazy! I spent too much time fixing this! You should've bought the new vacuum! I told you this! I told you to buy the new vacuum. Cheaper than Walmarts!  Yes! Yes! I don't want to argue, but..."

That's all Dave did was argue. Finally, he said he'd give me new extensions. But I'm kinda afraid to go pick them up.



  1. Replies
    1. No way! Not now, Yolanda! I've got too many hours invested in battle at this point.

  2. This sounds like one of those false businesses. It's a cover up for something shady like drugs. I encountered a spa a couple of years ago that had a lot of guys coming in claiming to be the woman's friend and that they were just coming in to say hi. Then they left. It was at the very least a spa with happy endings for men. I reported them.

    1. Alas, Suzanne, no happy endings here. Um...of any sort.