Thursday, November 26, 2015

Butter Battle on Aisle Nine

I spent six hours at various grocery stores last Saturday. Prepping for Thanksgiving.

Of course a good part of my time was gobbled up by taking my mother shopping. When you deliberate for fifteen minutes on what type of butter to buy, something's not right.
"What's the cheapest butter?" asked Mom.

"Looks like $2.99."

"Huh. Highway robbery." Mom's stock answer for everything. Which I guess is pertinent to someone somewhere. Just not to the growing line of agitated shoppers behind us. But Mom wasn't going anywhere.

"Mom! It's the cheapest option. On sale. You want it?"

"I dunno..."

"I've read all the prices on all of the butter to you. $2.99 is the cheapest."

"'s all so expensive." 

"How about I buy the butter for you? Can we just move along? We still have to hit the meat aisle." (A dreaded encounter that goes on forever).

"Yes, Stuart, I know, I know! But the butter's so expensive. I swear...everyone's out to make a dollar."

Well, yeah, sorta the nature of capitalism and commerce. Clearly, I was on the losing end of the argument. But by now, I've realized Mom's not gonna change, best just to go along with it. Problem was we weren't going anywhere.

"Mom, here's Blue Bonnet. It's cheaper. $1.99."

"Is it margarine?"

"Um...says vegetable spread."

"Forget it. I've heard it's not good for you."

"Mom! How is it not good for you? I mean, yeah, it's processed. But, come on, vegetables? Gotta be better for you than regular butter!"

"I know what I know. Not good for you."

Back to debating the price of butter. Or as my mom says, "the price of tea in China." Which I still don't understand.

"How 'bout this butter, Mom? It's...$3.50. On sale. You save .50."

"Just in the last year, prices have gone up. It's ridiculous."

A woman burst between us, thrusting an arm into the elusive butter section. "ExCUSE me, I need butter."

Didn't deter my mom.

"Mom, see how fast that lady got her butter?"

"I don't know..."

Truly a weighty decision. I guess. Finally, I just plunked the cheapest item into her cart. "Mom, here's your butter."

"Huh. What a rip-off. Highway robbery."

Happy Thanksgiving to those in the States! Think of me while you're eating butter.

Speaking of giving, my first book, Tex, the Witch Boy is FREE, dangit! Till the end of November. Click the link if you're feeling lucky!

 And since I'm in such a giving mood, why not hit up Ghosts of Gannaway, on sale now for .99? Perfect American historical gobbling good scares.

1 comment:

  1. As I sit here, eating my buttered toast, I'm definitely feeling your pain. Hope you had a good turkey day!