Friday, February 6, 2015

Easels and Pancakes and Loin Cloths...Oh My!

This week Twisted Tales is turning over the blogging to author Dave Fraser. Dave and his sister, Heather Brainerd Fraser, are the authors of the extremely entertaining Jose Picada mystery series. Turns out we both had books launch on the same day this week. Dave's a New York resident. And he views my stomping grounds, Kansas, as an alien world. Here's what his journalistic investigation found out about Kansas (to read my take on New York, visit Heather & Dave's blog!):

Stuart West is a life-long Kansas resident, so it should be no big surprise that his six books (of which I've read four) are all set there. February 3 marked his seventh release, The Secret Society of Like-Minded Individuals, and it's set in...you guessed it, Kansas!

All this Kansas stuff got me thinking about Kansas, which didn't take very long, since I don't know much about it at all. In short, everything I know about the state relates to The Wizard of Oz and the Kansas City Royals, which, it turns out, actually play in Missouri. So we can cross them off the list.

I set it upon myself to learn more about the state. Instead of doing actual "research" and learning "information", I decided to plan a theoretical road trip to the Sunflower State (learning this official nickname was as far as my "research" went). These are, sadly, all real things.

Stop 1: Monument to the Pig That Inspired the Piggy Bank (White Cloud, KS) In 1913, ten-year-old Wilbur Chapman sold his pig, Pete, and donated the funds to an organization helping lepers. The story caught the public's imagination. Pete the pig would live forever as a symbol for saving money, long after he was made into bacon.

Stop 2: Second Largest Hand-dug Well in Kansas (Seneca, KS) This awesome attraction is a big hole in the ground.

Stop 3: Monument to Grace Bedell (Delphos, KS) In 1860, eleven-year-old Grace Bedell wrote Abraham Lincoln a letter suggesting he grow a beard, which he did. Later in life, Ms. Bedell settled in Delphos, where she continued to write world leaders regarding fashion and beauty. Gandhi's loincloth? That was her idea, too.

Stop 4: World's Largest Ball of Twine (Cawker City, KS) The
Guinness Book of World Records recognizes a ball in Branson, Missouri (circumference: 41.5 feet) (that's the circumference of the ball, not Branson) as the world's largest. But the fine people of Cawker City are not deterred. Through their hard work and determination their ball continues to grow. In 2014, it measured 41.42 feet in circumference. Only 0.08 feet to go, or, if we measure it in terms of bad boy pop stars, 0.014 Justin Biebers.

Stop 5: World's Largest Collection of World's Smallest Versions of the World's Largest Things (Lucas, KS) Technically, this could be just about anywhere, since it is based out of a large passenger van. It is the home to a collection (the world's largest, of course) of small versions of objects determined to be the largest of their type in the world. Of course, the name kind of says all that, doesn't it?

Stop 6: World's Largest Czechoslovakian Egg (Wilson, KS)

With intricate patterns and bold colors, Czechoslovakian eggs are miniature works of art. Wilson, which bills itself as the "Czech Capital of Kansas", saw fit to make an egg for the ages. It measures 22 feet long, giving an unprecedented opportunity for a dazzling display of Czechoslovakian Egg artistry. So they painted the whole thing solid black.

Stop 7: World's Largest Hand-dug Well (Greenburg, KS) Suck it, Seneca.

Stop 8: International Pancake Day Hall of Fame (Liberal, KS) What exactly is International Pancake Day? Each year, the town of Liberal has a race against a town in England. Women from each town run, flipping pancakes as they go. This has been going on since 1950, or, for our metric-loving Canadian friends, for roughly 2,049,840,570,735 milliseconds.

Stop 9: World's Largest Hairball (Garden City, KS) Just...gross.

Stop 10: World's Largest Easel (Goodland, KS) We will end out tour in northwest Kansas, staring up at the world's largest easel, holding what is probably the world's largest Van Gogh reproduction. This two-for-one is no doubt in the World's Largest World's Smallest Museum Thingy. What was it called again?

I guess I always thought of Kansas as being kind of boring. After looking over my list, though, that couldn't be farther from the truth. And this is just the top ten (An example of something that didn't make the list: Lucas' World's Most Artsy Public Toilets). People of Kansas, you are friggin' weird. I wish I lived there.


There you have it, folks! I should've known better than to turn my blog over to Dave after the last, um, "interview" he did with me. But don't hold that against him! Buy Dave and Heather's new book, Act of Abduction: Jose Picada, P.I.





23 comments:

  1. I love this, Dave! Funny! I didn't know much about Kansas either, other than "The Wizard of Oz." Now I know a whole lot more. ;)

    Best wishes, Dave, Heather, and Stuart on your new releases!

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    1. Thank you Susan! Over on Dave and Heather's blog, I have some eye-opening deets about New York I betcha didn't know.

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    2. It turns out that Wizard of Oz is all we need to know. Stuart says that the movie is VERY popular there.

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    3. Ahem. I wanna' go on record saying that most Kansans worth their salt (whatever that means) HATE The Wizard of Oz with a passion usually reserved for Kardashians. Cliches, unfair, PREJUDICE. Booyah!

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    4. Wow. I didn't know the Oz hate reached Kardashianesque proportions. I apologize.

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  2. Hopping over here now to discover Kansas. Royals? What happened to the KC A's? Baseball team, right? Hairballs, largest smallest museum, pancake flipping? What's not to like about Kansas. Clicking my heels together and hope I'll be there soon. Looking forward to a great read with the new Jose Picada book. I wonder if Lea had some scheme up her sleeve to have your books released the same day. Hmmmm..Best wishes!

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    1. J.Q., the "A's" haven't been in existence in, like, forever. Click those heels, girl, that's all it takes. As a fellow Jose Picada fan, everyone should read these books. So much fun, it should be illegal.

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    2. Well, they're still in existence, but in Oakland, where their clubhouse floods with sewage. So maybe they just wish they weren't in existence.

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  3. Thanks for being such a good sport, Stuart! BTW, Like-Minded Individuals is amazing. Everyone should buy it.

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    1. I could say the same thing about your (and your slightly "off" brother, Dave's) books, Heather. Great fun. Anyone missing out? Read 'em, now. So fun.

      Here. Easy link for all their great books: http://www.amazon.com/Heather-Fraser-Brainerd/e/B00FNRQV0S/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1423248347&sr=1-1

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    2. I liked the Tex/Elspeth books a lot, but LMI is better.

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  4. What a fabulous place Kansas sounds! It's WAY better than the Emerald City. I always wondered why Dorothy was so keen to get home. Now I know! Thanks so much for the informative post!

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    1. Hi, Helena. I'm sorry to be glory-hogging all the answers here, but I think Dave is rather intronet a'scared (as they say in Kansas).

      What say you, Dave?

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    2. Sorry, I've been homeschooling math all day. I'm just now getting around to all my internetting and soap opera watching.

      Yeah, anyone can have a horse that continually changes colors, but a giant solid black egg? That's awesome. All those poppies make you sleepy. Largest ball of twine? It's like a shot of pure adrenaline.

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    3. Catch up on your "stories," Dave? Who the heck is "Fluke" anyway?

      I think that the largest ball of twine EVAH says lots about the grueling, can-do, never-say-die (um, maybe boring), attitude of Kansans everywhere.

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  5. Hey David. You and Stuart are about the funniest people I know (says little for my friends). This was great. I know nothing about Kansas except after reading Stuart's books, I DON'T wanna go there. Surely you jest when you say you'd like to live in a land of giant eggs and tornadoes?

    Another fun read to end my week. Thanks to both of you

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    1. Giant eggs? Heck yes. Tornadoes? Not so much. Haven't you been watching television? Those things have sharks in them.

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    2. You've gone too far now, Dave. Fun is fun. But making fun of the under-rated classic, Sharknado, is taking it to the next level. It's cinematic war.

      I'm sorry, Joan, you had to witness this ugliness.

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  6. I had no idea Kansas was that interesting.

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    1. And that was just ten things. They also have the world's first Pizza Hut, a historic landmark if there ever was one.

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  7. Hmmm. The top 10 for Kansas. The big pig is interesting. Worth a pic or two.
    The hairball. I'm with Dave. That's just plain gross.
    The big hole, AKA well - best hang on tight to my wee fluffball. At 20lb, it might be a bit of work to retrieve her.
    The large easel in Goodland. Are you sure that isn't in Godland? Stuart? Run or they will be searching that well for …everyone.

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    1. Honestly, Heather, Godland SHOULD be one of Kansas's best attractions. But, I'm warning you, don't buy the "E" ticket!

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  8. Wow! Kansas! And why didn't you mention your newly re-elected Governor, Stuart? That has got to be at least as amazing as the big pig. He is a governor of almost Rick Perry-esque proportions. I think he is in a race with Texas to see who will reach fracking financial Armageddon first. I guess your New York friend is not used to finding the humor in Republican politics being from such a sane State (forgive my bad language... I know I shouldn't be using terrible words like fracking and Republican politics).

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