Friday, January 30, 2015

Post-Christmas Cop

"You have the right to remain Silent...NIGHT!"

Okay, it sounds like a hackneyed horror film phrase, right? But I'm about ready to put it into effect.

One of my neighbors still--STILL--had a stupid inflatable snowman bobbing in his yard well into January. Nothing brings out the Christmas fuzzies like a glorified balloon. It ain't a car-lot, for crying out loud. You know the worst offenders are the guys who stick up huge blow-up Kansas City Chiefs inflatables in their yards during Christmas. Somewhere along the way, the inflatable industry has corrupted Christmas.
"Pop me, please!"

But I digress. Finally, the neighbor took the offending snowman down. 

Good. Before I did. And I was ready to, oh, yes, I was. 

Look, as much as I dislike the inflatables, that's not what's got me in a tizzy. Fact is, we're entering February. Christmas is over. Deal with it. Call me the neighborhood post-Christmas cop. Take down the decorations, focus on Valentine's Day. And taxes. Ho, ho, ho.

Yet another neighbor is still burning Christmas lights outside the house. Feh. There's like a statute of limitations on something like that, I'm sure. And he's not keeping things very "green."

It's time for me to take charge, lay down the law of the land. Make a citizen's arrest on behalf of good taste and common decency. It's not happening on my watch. Neighborhood Watch.

I'm gonna' go pound on the offending neighbor's door now and demand he take the lights down. I've reached my limit.

Here I go.

I'll let you know how the post-Christmas intervention goes.


  1. Good luck with that, lol! There are plenty of people who have their lights up and on around here. Granted, since Missoula seems to think streetlights are evil (who'd a thought?), I find them nice when I can actually tell where the streets end and houses start on the snowy road. It's all about that silver lining I guess :/

    1. Nice try, Meradeth. But I'm not biting. The lights gotta' come down!

  2. We've got a neighbour who spread mothballs all over his lawn and they stink to high heavens. Why, you ask? We have these bugs known as Chafer Beetles. They lay their eggs, and when they hatch, their larvae eat the roots of the grass. Then birds come along and dig up the lawn to eat the grubs. Now doesn't it make sense to let them do that to keep the population down? Not with some of these nitwits. I even saw one house with a scarecrow sitting in front. Didn't scare the crows in the least. They came in droves, laughin away, having a big party. Other people lay tarps on their lawns so they can have millions more chafers next spring. Sigh. What planet do these people come from?

    1. Suzanne, sounds like you need me: Stuart West, Neighborhood Self-Proclaimed Cop. A one man vigilante force standing up for good taste.