Monday, July 22, 2013

Tex And The Gangs Of Suburbia

My second book, Tex And The Gangs Of Suburbia, is out today!

Okay. I'm in a generous mood and being somewhat of a sadist (you should see what I do to my characters!), I'm putting forth a contest.

Here's the cover of the book:

See that girl? She's my favorite character, introduced in this tale. But she's shrouded in mystery. Who--or what (being Tex's universe as it is)--is she?

Whoever writes the most terrible poem about this character wins copies of the two books in the Tex thriller series. Your choice of format.

The rules? The poem should only be four lines long. Rhyming's a bonus. And it MUST be absolutely HORRIBLE. I'm talking Honey-Boo-Boo levels of horrible. Make it awful. I wanna' see such bad poetry, my eyes bleed. I'll give it a week. You have 'til next Monday, the 29th.

In case you're a good poet, well tough luck. You can buy the first two books in the series at the MuseItUp website for the price of one for a limited time:

(The book will be available at Amazon and other locales after Friday.)

Such a bargain! And the books are both true stories! Well...sorta'. Disregarding the ghosts, witches, and stuff.


  1. Here's my poem for the contest.

    Mysterious Witch with a "B"
    written by: Talina L. Collier

    She's a witch bitch that casts spells with a stitch.
    She'll get you when you least expect it without a clue.
    She'll eat you alive and watch as your soul slowly dies.
    Watch out for this witch bitch, glue your eyes open with a stick!

  2. We're off to a rip-roaring start with Talina's poem! Come on, guys! I want to read some agonizing poetry! Make me cry. In a bad way.

  3. That old black magic that you do so well,
    That nasty old way that you cast that spell,
    Like a goth in socks that are starting to smell,
    I hope you're not taking poor Tex to hell.

  4. Wow, Michael! That's some bad poetry. Criminally bad. I should put you into poetry prison. Nice job!

  5. The girl is pretty, but very, very mysterious
    So mysterious that this Tex dude won't stop staring at her
    What is he thinking I wonder
    I bet it's that she's very, very mysterious

  6. A strong late entry from Lisa from London. Hm. Kudos to her lack of rhyming and redundant usage of "mysterious." But is it bad enough to win? Hold tight, friends, the exciting finale is coming soon. Confetti and crap!

  7. Four lines? Hmm considering I have not written poetry in a while lets see what I can come up with off the cuff.
    Mysterious girl on the cover of a book,
    You seem to promise to get Tex into a pile of gook.
    I see you there sporting your ultra cool hair do.
    Oh why did Tex have to get mixed up with your crew?


    Wow really? That is what I come up with? Me and my muse need to go have a little talk lol.

  8. And, down to the wire, Virginia comes on strong with a really lame entry! Good job! I'm so proud of all you lousy poets! Let me go dig out my old high school diary...then you'll truly understand agonizing poetry.

  9. Roses are red,
    Violets are blue.
    She's got the clap,
    soon Witch Boy will too.

  10. And here comes Stephen with a truly horrible entry.

    Good job all around to everyone involved.

    And now, 'cause the suspense is killing everyone (well, not really), it's time to announce our winner!

    (Everyone do a drum-roll sound).

    The winner is...Talina with her Gawd-awful poem! Take a bow, Talina (then burn your poetry books!).

    Thanks for the other entrants. And don't feel bad for losing. Just means your poems weren't as stinky. Keep up the poor work!

  11. I never write bad poetry. But I tried my best with this one. Guess it worked since I won. Thanks :) Awesome!

    Author Talina L. Collier