Saturday, March 16, 2013

The Strange Case Of Winnie The Pooh

Winnie The Pooh. Donald Duck. The crazy guy down the street. What do they have in common? A lack of pants.

Okay, maybe "Pooh's" incontinent. Maybe he has a bowel issue. Could be why he doesn't wear pants. Too much fiber in his diet, all those honey pots and such. But I doubt it. He and Donald seem like exhibitionists.

Are they forward-thinking radicals, attuned to a future we can only think of? Or perverts? I opt for the latter. These are two children's icons hanging out (um, literally) without a worry of what they're repping. I mean, it's not like they're broke and can't afford pants. Winnie's constantly rocking the polo shirts while Donald's got a sorta' Village People nautical thing going on. Doesn't matter. Their upper wardrobes look costly. So did they just forget their pants? Okay, once maybe. It happens. But all the time? Doubtful.

If this is the fashion choice of tomorrow, well, sir, count me out! These two anamorphic guys apparently didn't read the Bible. I'm sorta' glad Eve ate the apple. Otherwise, we'd all be without pants. I don't want to live in a world where I walk into a McDonald's and have some kid without pants ask me if I'd like to supersize it. Nosiree-bob-cattail!

So while all the uptight folks are out there burning Huckleberry Finn and other classics, I think their over-zealous frenzy would be better served roasting nudist bears and ducks.


  1. Wait, it gets much worse.

    Daisy Duck never has a skirt, but Minnie Mouse always does.

    I've always wondered why that's the case. Why one but not the other? Poor Daisy.

  2. Tammy, hey! Daisy's obviously an exhibitionist. But Daisy's hotter than Minnie. Duh.

  3. Don't you worry about Bugs Bunny too? He only wears gloves. Or is this a Disney thing?

    1. That's a very good question, Michael. And the doctor of cartoonology is here to answer. I give Mr. Bunny a pass. Why? 'Cause he's an anarchic character to begin with. Not wearing pants suits him (um, no pun intended). And I imagine he'd be the first in line fighting the Mark Twain book-burning fools.

  4. Anarchic is a good word for it. I think he would defend our good friend Sam. But how about Porky Pig? He not only doesn't wear any pants, showing off his naked pink backside, he's got a moralistic tone all his own.

  5. Sigh. Michael, you're gonna' keep me up all night talking about the nature of animated characters, aren't you? Okay, Porky? What is he? That's right, a "pig." SO, I think it's quite obvious he represents "The MAN." Therefore, for his pantlessness, I suspect he's flaunting his power and authority to no good just 'cause he can get away with it. Remember. "Bug's is groovy, kill the Pigs." (Kinda' paraphrasing hippy serial killer lingo from the '60's, but, well...Gah! Need sleep!).