SCROTOX!!

"Flee! Flee, puny humans, before the almighty power of the merciless Scrotox, the destroyer!!!"

NOT a hoax! Not an imaginary story! Not a dream (although once you hear what I have to say, I imagine you might wish it was a dream; a bad one, at that).

Although Scrotox does indeed sound like a giant monster from a 50's science fiction movie, it's something far, far worse and insidious. Scrotox is either the next step of the de-evolution of humanity or the biggest example of insanity vanity I've heard about since bleaching one's buttocks hole (and the less said about that, the better; although now that I brought it up, I guess I have a bit to say about it after all. What's the point of bleaching one's butt orifice? I mean, really, how many people do you want to show it off to? Is this something to be proud of? Do you drop trou at family gatherings and show off your proud accomplishment? "Say, guys, look what I did to my butthole!" These are the kinds of things that keep me up at night.)

But back to Scrotox...thanks to my daughter's getting me into trashy "reality" TV shows, I would have never had the "pleasure" of discovering what Scrotox is.

Hold onto something, guys...this one's going to hurt. Scrotox is the injection of botox into your testicles. 

AIEEEEEEEEEEE! I hear my male readers screaming. I'm right there with you, buddy. Not only is a man's testicles the most ridiculously vulnerable and tender part of anatomy, but just an accidental flick to the nards is enough to send you into intense bouts of nausea and pain.

So why would any guy subject their testicles to a huge needle? Makes me shiver just thinking about it, right? Get this...so it makes the testicle sack smoother and less wrinkly!

Can you believe that??? I know one of my life's goals is to have a less wrinkly sack between my legs. Does anyone really care? Aren't the wrinkles kinda just a fact of life that one should adapt to at an early age of body exploring? Why mess with success?

And the pain...oh, the pain... excuse me while I go lay down for a minute...

Isn't this the nuttiest vanity insanity you've ever heard of? And to think the future of the world is in the hands of these vapid and vain supermodels. We may as well call it a wrap right now, gang. And by the looks of things, we're headed that way quickly, too, with the aid of a certain crazy orange despot.

On the bright side, who says trash television can't be edumacational?

Speaking of insanity, have you guys checked into the Dandy Drop Inn yet? No? What're you waiting for??? (You just probably won't ever check out again.) Dread and Breakfast is the one horror thriller I wrote that surprised me. I never knew what was going to happen next, the characters all kinda dictated where they were headed and I had an absolute blast writing it. I hope you will, too, by reading it (as soon as you erase the prospect of scrotox from your brain).