Monday, July 22, 2013

Tex And The Gangs Of Suburbia

My second book, Tex And The Gangs Of Suburbia, is out today!

Okay. I'm in a generous mood and being somewhat of a sadist (you should see what I do to my characters!), I'm putting forth a contest.

Here's the cover of the book:

See that girl? She's my favorite character, introduced in this tale. But she's shrouded in mystery. Who--or what (being Tex's universe as it is)--is she?

Whoever writes the most terrible poem about this character wins copies of the two books in the Tex thriller series. Your choice of format.

The rules? The poem should only be four lines long. Rhyming's a bonus. And it MUST be absolutely HORRIBLE. I'm talking Honey-Boo-Boo levels of horrible. Make it awful. I wanna' see such bad poetry, my eyes bleed. I'll give it a week. You have 'til next Monday, the 29th.

In case you're a good poet, well tough luck. You can buy the first two books in the series at the MuseItUp website for the price of one for a limited time:

(The book will be available at Amazon and other locales after Friday.)

Such a bargain! And the books are both true stories! Well...sorta'. Disregarding the ghosts, witches, and stuff.

Saturday, July 20, 2013

The Ignorant Bucket

So, okay, I have a very odd bump in my palm. My palm's pregnant. Lil' devil's been there for months. Should've worn gloves, I guess, while hand-shaking.  Doesn't really hurt, kinda' growing used to it, ready to nick-name it. My lil' bump buddy.

"Stark-Raving Terror," I think, is more appropriate, though.

My smarter than hell wife says I need to go have it looked at. Her dumber than crap husband says, "Yeah, I'm thinking about it, but I'd rather worry, fret, and contemplate the possible horrors ahead. Envision the worst possible scenario. But..."

There's always a "but." Here's why...I'd MUCH rather not know the truth if I'm dying. 'Cause, face it, if you're dying and you know it, you're gonna' start doing stupid stuff like jumping off bridges on a bunji cord and yelling crazy things in airports and eating at Taco Bell all the time and flipping off policemen and harassing Sean Penn and ....well, I could go on. I guess that's why "Bucket List" has become ingrained in the popular lexicon now. People start doing dumb things 'cause they know they're dying.

I prefer the "ignorant bucket." It's a bucket you can continually dig into, has a bottomless pit, and you can wallow in it, convincing yourself you're not dying. It's comfy in here, gang. Come join me, just don't leave, and bring your sand shovels.

Is it better to experience insane life experiences, knowing you're gonna' die? Or is it better to play the ignorant fool, not heeding bodily warnings?

I prefer to play the ignoramus. I don't know, but in my bucket-tunneled-vision eyes, it seems like a MUCH better choice than rushing life experiences onto a list. There's always tomorrow. Right? RIGHT? COME ON, RIGHT?

Then again, could just be, I dunno, a weird harmless growth.

Discuss and debate.