Last week, I was so sick, I found myself unable to write a new blog post. Hey it was a struggle to get outta bed!
So...about that...
For some time, me and my fellow "geezers (that's what my niece calls us; yet she still enjoys our outings!)" had been planning a reunion of sorts at a local bar.
With some effort and through a ton of texts, I managed to get (almost) everyone on board, including one of our pals who resides in Portland.
The bar was Ground Zero, the area where I picked up this hideous virus (and am still recovering from). But through the miracle of modern forensics, intensive investigation, and arduous research (and lotsa assumptions), I found out exactly who Patient Zero was.
Okay, so maybe it wasn't as tough as all of that...for you see, in our group texts, one of our friends gave us a "heads up. I'm recovering from a bad cold."
To which I responded, "unless you're 100% recovered, stay at home because we don't want your plague."
His comeback? "Now I'm more bound and determined to come."
Sure enough, when I saw him enter the bar, I turned to my brother and said "crap. I didn't think he'd actually come."
With about a dozen of us in attendance (half of the bar's capacity pretty much), we had pushed two tables together. At the time of Patient Zero's arrival, our second table was occupied by just one other geezer.
I pointed at the barren table and said, "you sit over there."
He didn't. Not only did he find it funny to sit down right next to me (12 guys around two small tables is quite "cozy"), hilarity further ensued as he comically rubbed the back of his hand against mine. Several times. And since it was loud in there, he yelled while talking to me and I felt his virus-ridden spittle land on my cheek and hand. This occurred during his explanation that it'd been a week and he wasn't contagious any longer.
Yikes.
Anyway, a good time was had by one and all of we geezers. And after that night, I went home. And waited for the other shoe to drop.
And drop it did. Right on top of my head like a cartoon anvil purchased from the Acme Company.
Wednesday morning, I felt like a pu-pu platter. As the day progressed, I grew worse and felt like a three day old pu-pu platter. Eight days later, I still haven't completely recovered from the Virus From Hell. Thanks buddy!
So it was my civic duty to check in with the other geezers. I put out a high alert and canvassed them to see if any others had fallen ill. Sure enough, my pal from Portland had the exact thing I had, picked it up at the same time, and we're both in the recovering phase. (I still haven't heard back from three of the geezers, so they're either busy or on their death beds.)
I told my wife the entire horrific saga. She said, "if you die from this, I'm not inviting 'Patient Zero' to you to your funeral." I suppose there was some comfort to be had in that. When I told a couple of the other geezers my wife's comment, one guy said, "make sure your wife knows I'm still on a low-carb diet and pretzels and light beer will be fine at your wake." It's good to have friends.
Meanwhile, Patient Zero still refuses to accept full responsibility for his reckless actions. Sure he has a point that we were in a crowded bar, but I'm extremely suspect. At the bar, my interactions were limited to the 12 of us geezers. And prior to our soiree, I hadn't been outta the house in about a week. The evidence certainly points toward him.
In a way, I suppose I don't blame him. Not really. I probably would've done the same thing if I were in his sick shoes. It's not often we have everyone gathered from our college days, quite an accomplishment, one not to be missed.
Still...still...this cautionary tale adds an entire new spin on the saying "drink responsibly."
Speaking of irresponsible behavior, people don't come any more irresponsible than my character, Zach, possibly the world's dimmest male stripper (whoops...excuse me..."male entertainment dancer"). Just ask his long-suffering detective sister who constantly has to bail him out of jail and worse situations. All because he's kinda dumb and can't help but fall into very bad situations. See for yourself in my Zach and Zora comedy mystery series available here.
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