Lickin' Loomis

One of our new dogs, Mr. Loomis, is a licker. No, not the fun kind of human-loving, face-licking dogs. I mean "the other kind" of licker. That is, he's never met a surface he doesn't like to lick.

Floors, beds, sofas, furniture, electric sockets, you name it. If it exists Mr. Loomis is gonna lick that sucker.

Why is this? No clue.

Mr. Loomis is a 13-year-old Lhaso Apso, kinda a cranky old man of a dog. Generally speaking, he's friendlier to floors than people. Could it be senility? Doubtful. There's nothing wrong with his taste buds. Surely, after a while, he'd catch onto the fact he's licking up dust.

My daughter thinks she has the answer. She'd read that when dogs lick surfaces and floorboards and such, they have upset stomachs and are trying to hurl. During the nightmarish time when we took in my daughter and her two demon dogs, she said her smallest devil, Baron, constantly licked the floorboards in her bedroom. It was the first thing he'd do every night before going to bed.

(Come to think of it, our floorboards could use a good cleaning now; I'd invite Baron back over to clean house, but I think my wife's hair would turn white overnight.)

Anyway, I don't think Mr. Loomis is licking surfaces because he's nauseous. He eats well and I've never seen him toss his cookies.

The American Kennel Club, smarty-pants as always, tells me that Mr. Loomis is licking furniture because he's bored. Dogs are creatures of habit and changes in their routine can make a dog anxious. Repetitive licking releases endorphins and is a way for dogs to self-soothe.

Well, okay, let's say I buy that reason. What do I do about it? Mr. Loomis can't hear very well and his cataracts keep his vision pretty bad, not to mention it takes him forever to walk anywhere. How do I entertain him? Dance for him? That's probably not a great idea, for if the neighbors saw that, they'd surely call the local nuttery or police or whatever.

Other dog experts (and there are a hella lotta them out there, every one with a different opinion) have differing viewpoints. One suggests my dog is depressed. So...I guess I have to find a good doggy psychologist.

Another expert says that allergies can cause a dog to act in "strange and mysterious ways (Hmmm, maybe it's no coincidence what dog spelled backwards is!)." But if I buy into this theory, wouldn't floor dust make an allergy worse?

Either way, I'm not complaining. Not only do we have two new fine and furry and funny companions, but the house has never been so clean! It's like having a four-legged Roomba (and his tail acts as a fine feather duster as well).

While we're on the topic of "strange and mysterious ways," all of my books can be pretty much summed up as having been written in that sorta mind-set. Go on and take a gander at my Amazon page and pick up some pages of strange!