Who Slew T. T. George?

Let's study the scene of this most monstrous of crimes...

Yes, that's me as a kid. All slender and with hair and stuff. Next to me is prime suspect number one, my younger brother. He doesn't really look that way. Most of the time, anyway. It's just his way of trying to scare me, seeking kicks where we could get them while the adults ignored us. In my arms, from left to right, are Chimpy, T.T. George, and Tweaky.

Now, the late T.T. George was my prized teddy bear, the top banana in my menagerie of stuffed animals. I'm not sure where I came up with the name, T.T. George, but knowing what a precocious lil' tot I was, I'm sure I thought it was clever, urbane, and perhaps even a nod to one of my favorite actors at the time, Michael J. Pollard.

I was a weird kid.

"T.T." didn't even stand for anything. It was just what it was, a very zen-like teddy bear.

The late Mr. George had more lives than Trump has get outta jail cards. He'd been old when I got him (I believe already used from a garage sale, but I honestly don't remember) and my mom kept resurrecting him as his body fell apart. In his last incarnation, Mom had reupholstered him in corduroy, an odd choice, but hey, anything for Mr. George.

He had a long, good life until... Until several years ago, when I found him in my mom's basement...gulp...sob...beheaded! Even worse, his head was nowhere to be found. Creepy.

I'm verklempt right now. Hang on...I'll be all right...just give me a few...oh, the horror! The horror!

Anyway, flanking the headless body of T.T. George were prime suspects number two, Chimpy (my second-in-command and *usually* faithful sidekick to T.T.), and prime suspect number three, Tweaky (my brother's teddy bear pictured above in the football jersey; and by the way, Scott, someone who names his bear "Tweaky" has no right to make fun of the name of my late, great T.T. George! Ahem!). Suspiciously, Chimpy and Tweaky still had their heads.

I smelled foul play. The game was afoot!

I had my three suspects. Now I needed motive. Quickly, I ruled out Chimpy. Why would he have beheaded his best inanimate pal? Unless, of course, he held a long-time jealous grudge over my T.T. George preference. Still, it didn't fit with his solid, stellar, stuffed character.

Next, we had Tweaky. There had always been inter-family rivalry between the two bears. Still, I just couldn't pin the blame on him while looking in his cold, dead, brown marble eyes.

That left my brother, who surely in a fit of rage, beheaded T.T. George. I'm onto you, bro, sleep with one eye open!

(Then again, it could've been the ravages of time, but that would have made a much duller post).

While on the subject of cracking good murder mysteries, you won't find it in Bad Day in a Banana Hammock! But you will get low-brow larfs, high-brow thrills, and really odd characters doing very odd things!