Friday, July 31, 2015

Creature in the Kitchen

Recently, my wife cracked open her grandmother's box of recipes.

Many interesting items lurked within. Fudge made from cheese, anyone?

But there was one item that stuck to me like peanut brittle between the teeth: "Herman."

Here's the deal...Herman is an ongoing project. A beast that's kept around in the kitchen, one you need to constantly feed yeast, sugar and other sundry items to keep it growing. And, like sea monkeys, you need to tend to it over an extended period of time, an on-going project.

Frankenstein's recipe.

The nightmarish qualities of something you need to feed, growing on the counter-top until it's chow time sorta freaked me out.
I couldn't help but anthropomorphize the dang thing. I've watched a lot of horror films. Not in a good way.  Tendrils of snaking dough, crusty brown teeth, dead cooked eyes. I tend to not want to eat things that may eat me in the middle of the night.

But is Herman much different than fattening pigs up for barbeque?

I think, yes. With pigs, you know what you're gonna get. (I just don't want to be around on slaughter day). A squeal, bloodletting, a guilty conscience over your fulfilled tummy and satisfied taste glands. Plus, pigs are kept outside. (Unless you're one of THOSE guys.)

With "Audrey" growing on the kitchen counter? Yow, scary stuff.

Herman haunts my dreams, sours my stomach. It stares at me from the counter, mesmerizing me...mentally invading my brain, saying, "Feed me!"

Where will it end? Could there be a growing conspiracy of fellow "Hermans" waiting to devour us, an invasion from within?

And, why in the world did someone name it "Herman?" Humanizes it a bit much, I think. (Although, I wonder if "Herman Munster" played a factor back in the day).

I've got my eye on you, jar of ewww, sleeping with the other eye open.

For other scary things (both inside the house and out), check out the trailer (provided by author extraordinaire Meradeth Houston) for my new suspense thriller, Ghosts of Gannaway:

Get the book here:  Ghosts of Gannaway and others at my Amazon author's page.


  1. Haha! Sour dough bread, no doubt. You're right. It's gross, but it works. Loving the new book.

  2. You're so funny! I'm not much of a cook, so I have no idea what Herman or Audrey are, but I loved your creepy ideas about them!