The other day I was watching a pay streamer and was inundated with ads (and what's up with that, anyway? If I'm paying for a service, I don't expect to have to watch ads! You hear me, Prime and Max??? But I'm getting a heap of digression all over the place...). But this barrage of ads (over and over and over...) were of a particularly disturbing nature.
4Patriots! "We champion freedom and self-reliance!"
It's the dream website for wacko survivalists! Check it out! (But don't give them your personal info. You'll be sorry!) These particular ads were selling 72-Hour Emergency Survival Food Kits, and they're both delicious and easy to prepare! Best yet, they'll last for 25 YEARS!
I dunno about you guys, but I'm not eating anything that's 25 years old. And just how delicious do you suppose it could be after a quarter of a century?
The website further brags that "every kit contains delicious recipes your grandmother would love." These "stick-to-your-ribs" meals include "America's Finest Mac and Cheese (none of that foreigner mac and cheese either, nosireecatbobtail! It's made with gen-u-ine fake Amurican cheese, the kind that Gramma used to just love slurping down!)," "Creamy Rice and Vegetable Dinner (with Amurican rice, not that oriental stuff, nosir!)," and "Grammy's Sweet Oatmeal (improves by the year, yessir!)."
Yuck. If my choice is to eat this crap or get eaten by zombies, toss me into the zombie pit now.
This website is downright scary, ringing the alarm of paranoia that's becoming more prevalent in America these days, thanks to the so-called state of "political leaders" who're trying to scare you into voting for them. Otherwise, you're going to live in a country that's going to be overrun by fascists. Which is made even more confusing because both sides are calling their opponents "fascists."
What's a person to do?
Why, load up on 25 year old franken-foods and run for the hills, natch! I mean, that's what a true red-white-and-blue "patriot" would do, right?
"4Patriots" should be ashamed of themselves, pandering to peoples' very real fears perpetuated by the lies of politicians over the past eight years or so. Particularly disturbing is 4Patriots "But one, get one FREE generator event" to celebrate "National Preparedness Month (a holiday I hadn't heard of before; but if there's a Hallmark greeting card section of National Preparedness Month at the local drug store, sign me up NOW!)." Maybe it's just me, but...what can a second, unnecessary generator do that the first one can't? Is it just me? It must be just me... Lessee, where's my credit card?
4Patriot has everything that the true patriot could ever want! There's a "Patriot Pure Air Filtration Device" that helps weed out all that unwanted commie air! Dad gum! And don't forget your "Patriot Power Powder Blend," the next best thing to Captain America's Super-Soldier formula! Whammo!
Over the past controversial eight year course, the term "patriot" has become bastardized. According to the Oxford Dictionary, a "patriot" is someone who "vigorously supports their country and is willing to defend it against enemies or detractors." That's fine and dandy, I'm all for it and consider myself a patriot.
However, over the past decade, they may as well addend the official patriot definition to include "...as long as you step in line to the white nationalist agenda, because if you don't, you're a big stoopid face and wrong and a liberal fascist! So I'm taking my 72-hour Emergency Survival Food Kid and going home! So THERE!"
I wonder if when the zombie apocalypse comes, the zombies will eat white nationalists. Hurry up, zombies!
While yakking about zombies, I'd love to promote my zombie survival book (with a big twist, natch), Zombie Rapture, but alas, the publisher folded and the book is currently without a home. A pity, 'cause I really like the book (and I'm not even biased! Mostly. Kinda...)
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