Okay, you guys have probably read the story of this goofball and what he's up to: protesting the protesters who're protesting... something or other. Honestly, I can't keep track of all of the protesting going on anymore. I need a murder board to keep it all straight. I'm not gonna trot out what any of the protesters are protesting at this particular venue, needless to say it's gonna piss off half the U.S. population one way or the other.
It's all so...tired. Aren't you guys exhausted? Both political sides have displayed poor extremist behavior and are embarrassing their respective parties. I'm not gonna exclude myself from name-calling, getting angry, and pointing fingers in the past. But I'm done.
So...let's talk about the important matters here: first...this guy's style. Just look at his spectacular form, letting it all hang out, apparently never exhausting his copious amount of oxygen (as an ex-smoker, there's no way I could've maintained his stamina without passing out), not once caring how foolish he looks. I gotta give the guy props for that, at least. And, oh! His perfectly round blowhole is something to be envied (by someone, somewhere, I'm fairly sure).
Obviously, this idiot could be a carrier of coronavirus and not have symptoms, so I'm glad they charged him. (Thus further cementing my thought that not only does 2020 suck, but now it blows, too.)
How in the world could this be proven in court?
Matlock (espousing his cracker-barrel philosophy): "Your honor, it's a travesty, just a travesty, I say, that my client is even being charged with this laughable perceived 'crime'."
Opposing Counsel: "Objection, your honor, the defendant is clearly shown in photographic evidence breathing on the victims! He obviously--"
Matlock: "Did you just take a breath there, Mr. Opposing Counsel? I swan I saw you do such a thing. Your honor, isn't breathin' just a natural body function? I know I'm sure as shootin' glad I'm still breathin'."
Judge (smiling and chuckling): "I'll allow Mr. Matlock to say anything just as long as he keeps speaking in that warm, down-home drawl." (Aims puppy dog eyes at Matlock.)
See what I mean? This is setting a terrible precedent for legal cases in 2021 and beyond. Don't the courts have more important things to be dealing with like...oh...wait, scratch that example.
Here, try another scenario:
(Cue an All-American Family in a car.)
Little Suzie: "Daaaaad! Billy just breathed on me! Gah!"
Little Billy: "Did not, did not, did not, did not, did not, did--"
Dad (red-faced with veins bulging out of his forehead): "Gawd dammit, Billy, quit breathing! Don't MAKE me come back there!"
Not a pretty future, is it?
Nothing's certainly been pretty in the last couple months or so. My retinas have been permanently scarred by so-called "news" outlets releasing revolting photos (thus making the National Enquirer the class-act news outlet on the block now). There's the aforementioned Human Whale.
How about Trump dancing to the Village People's song "Y.M.C.A" (and I still find it outrageous that no one in Trump's cabinet had the testicular fortitude to tell the guy what that song was really about)? There was Mitch McConnell's awful close-ups of his white, black, pink, and purple appearance (I almost felt sorry for the guy. On second thought...nahhhhhh.).
While we're waiting for this ghastly year to come to a sluggish stop, how about entertaining yourself with my ghastly horror collection, Twisted Tales from Tornado Alley? Lots of horror and laughs guaranteed to take your mind off the horror and laughs of 2020.
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