Friday, April 19, 2019

Girl in a Box (TM)

New from Acme comes the incredible Girl in a Box (TM)! Perfect for the man-on-the-go, now you can take your Girl in a Box on a train, in a plane, with your friend, DeeWayne (laws may differ from state-to-state; Acme assumes no responsibility for legal action)! Call Girl in a Box today! And for a limited time, you can receive a free 16 ounce bottle of chloroform! That's Girl in a Box, 666-666-6666!

Okay, maybe I'd better back up a bit...

A while back my daughter wasn't allowed to drive (that's another horror story for another time, but fret not as I will get to it.). Thankfully, her house was just a mile from her work so she could walk.

Her mother didn't like that idea.

I asked my daughter why not.

"Because no matter what I do," she said, "every scenario from my mom ends with me getting put in a box."

I mulled this over a bit. "What?"

"It's true," she said. "Mom told me I can't walk to work because some guy could come along and put me in a box! Dad, why does someone want to put me in a box? Why would they want to do that?"

Honestly, I couldn't come up with a decent answer. But, man, did we ever have fun with it.

While working on my daughter's house, we left a big box in the living room with a sign that read, "Get in!" On Boxing Day, I called my daughter and in the best slashery voice I could muster, I said, "It's Boxing Day! Mwah, hah, hah, hahhhh!" During Christmas, I told my daughter to look out because I didn't want to find her in a box beneath the Christmas Tree. The sick jokes continued. Still do, for that matter. 

Of all the horrible scenarios I can think of, I don't believe I ever would've landed on The Box Ploy, but hey, whatever, different strokes for different folks. Could make a good book. Maybe.

Speaking of girls in boxes (talk about a clever segue, yeah?), read Dread and Breakfast to find out just how a girl in a box plays into the complex, labyrinthine web of dark secrets and murderous personalities! (Hey, I guess I did come up with that scenario some time ago, after all.)


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