Don Horroritos!

Ole! I have found the worst Mexican restaurant in the world and I lay claim to it like a Conquistador because it's in my neighborhood.

I'm talking about Don Chillito's. The on-line reviews are terrible. For good reason.

Of course I decided to take my daughter and nieces there. Call it trial by fire. Gotta grow up some time. Showing 'em how hard it is to live on the mean streets of suburban Kansas.

The menu is a disorganized nightmare. You can choose between the regular burrito, the Big Top regular burrito, the Texas burrito and, last but not least, the Big Top Texas burrito. Next is your choice of toppings: Velveeta Overload, Chili Indigestion, Mystery Slaw, and Gastronomical Meltdown. From there we enter the realm of sauces...it goes on and on. Totally confusing.

The employees then assail you with indecipherable questions. "Would you like extra Big Top CCQ sauce inside and/or smothered?" As my daughter said, just nod and smile. The sooner we order, the sooner we're back to an orderly world.

The chip trough is a modern unsanitary miracle. It's amazing this restaurant passes proper health codes. Kids dig their hands into the all you can eat chip trough, piling up their plates. Don't forget the salsa! "Chunky blended" or "mild blended." Probably better we don't know what the blends are.

The best part, though, is the wall of microwaves. Nine microwaves stacked one on top of another. They don't even try to hide it. I ordered a regular burrito Big-Top. Bombs away into the microwave! Not so delicious big ol' plate of melted velveeta with some beans and flour beneath.

This restaurant is older than I am. And much more popular. I used to work with a woman who said her two sisters rave about it, travel across the city to eat there. Oh, and the food made my doctor sick. High praise indeed.

My brother ended up spending quite a bit of time in the bathroom. In Don Chillito's defense, he did say it was quite a nice restaurant.