Friday, April 1, 2016

Bad wine accident in Kansas!

I thought I could hold my alcohol. Until I tried to go glass to glass of wine with my sister-in-law. 

Nearly thirty years of living in my house and nearly as many years drinking responsibly, I've never had an accident.

And then things took a turn for the worse.

Everything was going great. We were having fun. Drinking wine (which I'm not that used to, being a beer kinda guy). Watching bad '80's horror films. 2:30 A.M., time to pack it in.

On my way up to bed, though, the stairs turned traitor on me. 

Bram! Crunch! Brmble, brmble, brmble....


It all happened in a flash. Yet, I remember it like it was last Tuesday. Which it was, but that's not the point. I caused an avalanche of noise, a destruction of body. The house was full of six people and no one heard my wine-imposed earthquake. I was twisted down on the floor about six feet away from my sibling-in-laws, my foot yanked back in a very unnatural manner. Lightning charged through my body, mental sensors screaming at my nerve endings. I became very intimate with pain. Not a good kind of intimacy.

My wife wasn't very happy with me the next day. But we're gonna skip that part of the story.

Now my foot is larger than the Elephant Man's head and sports all the colors of the rainbow. I'm hobbling around on a cane, doing a Dr. House impression. Here, look...gross, right?
The doctor visit was pretty bad.

"How'd this happen?"

"Um, bad horror movie accident," I offered while shifting my gaze away.


Let this be a cautionary tale to all of you kids. Don't watch bad horror movies late into the night. (And don't drink with my sister-in-law.)


  1. Hahahaha! That's hilarious, but not good. It's like me injuring my two thumbs when I wasn't even moving on my snowboard.

  2. Is it awful to laugh here? Sorry, it does look painful. Get better soon!