Friday, November 20, 2015

Go Team Adventure!

My wife and I love having adventures!

Okay, we kinda, sorta like having adventures. 

Fine, I dread having adventures, flat out loathe them. Sorta less dramatic. 

But you need to understand..."adventure" has become a sort of euphemism for us regarding mishaps. 

It all started back in the winter of 2005...(cue flashback music, muddying of the screen)...

We were both snowed in at home, couldn't get to work. The entire city was under siege by a giant two-foot tall marshmallow of wetness. Yet something about the day, the climate, the gloom and good-time feeling screamed out "Chili!" Problem was we didn't have all the fixings. 

"Hey, wouldn't it be fun to walk to the grocery store?" asked my wife.

I said, "Sure!"

You know how your parents used to moan about trudging through five feet of snow to school "back in the day?" That's what it was like. Only worse. 

The snow plows couldn't even make it out of the parking lot. We were knee-deep in snow. The wind whipped the fallen snow around, a blindingly white tornado. Shark teeth of icy death bit into my face. Tears of anguish froze on my frost-bitten cheeks. I hung onto my wife's belt-loop like a prison love-slave. Why? Because I'm a slave to love.

"Are we there yet?" I screamed, because I couldn't see, couldn't hear. Couldn't feel my legs.

"No! We still have six more blocks to go! We're gonna have chili! Just follow in my footsteps!"

What ordinarily takes 15 minutes to walk took an hour. Took me twice as long to thaw out.

Once home, I said, "That sucked!"

My wife laughed, said, "It was an adventure."

Huh. I decided right there my adventuring should be lived vicariously through Indiana Jones.

But it became a thing, the kinda thing only people who are attuned to one another understand.

We've had quite a few adventures since then. Once we were going to my wife's parents' house in Oklahoma, usually a four hour trip. 

But we got so wrapped up in chatting, my wife forgot to take an exit to the right highway. Neither one of us realized it until we were in some Godforsaken town way off the beaten path, hours away. Turned into a seven hour journey. Never go from Kansas to Oklahoma and take a shortcut through California. An "adventure."

As I said, I don't like our "adventures." Again, I'm sorta lying. Any "adventure" with my wife is always worth it. Only after the fact.

Are you looking for adventure? Look no further...Secret Society by Stuart R. West (sure, it's kinda sick & twisted adventure, but you'll stay dry and warm on your sofa reading it).


  1. Hahaha! What a great way to start the day. You'd never survive up here in Canada. (Well, maybe in Vancouver since we hardly ever get snow here.)

    1. You're right. Sorry, I wouldn't survive in the Great White North where every day is an adventure. I'm up for living somewhere warm and dry year round (Hell?).

  2. Replies
    1. "Adorable," Heather? That word hasn't touched me since my mother dressed me up as a bunny for Halloween. "Adorable"...feh.